i am so changed by this whole event, like things on the soul level.
i thought i would always feel different.
i thought my perspective would always be so open.
i thought it would always be easy to love everyone.
and always be easy to feel good.
i thought i would always be strong because of this and that the little things that were hard for me before wouldn't be hard for me anymore because after all i felt like this was the hardest thing possible to overcome.
my hard realization is that i am still the same.
still the same me with the same weaknesses.
i don't want to be the same anymore.
i want to be able to always feel as deeply about life as i have,
and i certainly don't want it all slipping away this fast.
today's realizations were hard for me.
13 comments:
I am not sure just what you are indicating, but I am behind you 100% Hope all is going well. Love ganny
life seems to be all about ups and downs - doesn't it!! Hang in there. You'll definitely be a better person from all of this, even if it doesn't come all at once.
breathe. One moment at a time. Love and prayers always.
i know just what you mean; all i can say is that you're doing the best you can & you really are changed forever...whether you realize it in the little details or not.
It's good to know you are still you! Getting refined in the refiners fire does change you, not all at once but you'll find certain impurities you had before will be altered forever by this experience. Jen you are beautiful and inspirational. Love ya!
You are just the same sweet person. But you have stepped up a notch in my book not sure yet what it is;)
This was on my computer this morning. Good Morning this God, I will be handling all your problems today. I will not need your help, so have a good day.
whoops I left out is.... Good Morning This is God. I will be handling all your problems today. I will not need your help, so have a good day.
Sweet Jen...Sorry I have not posted before. I am bad at this computer stuff!!Know that I have thought and prayed everyday!! This blog touched me!! I know,better than most, how you feel. My husband had stage 4 cancer. He has beat it. I thought he would never anger me again if I could just keep him. I promise you are changed. Although we are human with all that goes with being human, this experience will always impact you. You and Pete will fight, but your heart will soften quickly. Kids will be naughty, you will yell, but you will hug quicker. Be patient with yourself...you are amazing and strong but most likely tired!!
Nancy Hammond
Jenny - I think I know what you mean. Like when I see babies or young people that are ill or their parents can no longer hold them in their arms and I think that I will be different after that and appreciate every moment and never speak from anger or selfishness again and only love every minute that I have with my loved ones. And then, crap, I get angry and frustrated and selfish just like before. But, deep within I feel when I DO appreciate and have patience and act kindly, I do remember and it adds a little bit more depth to my feelings. That or I'm getting old. Who knows. But I read your blog -- especially pre-superPete -- and you are a beautiful, loving, deep woman -- and I read how many, many people appreciate you and how much Granny and your Mom and Sisters love you -- and how proud you are to be a wife and mother and fellow human -- and I would have to say that, absolutely, Jenny, you are Enough exactly how you are.
Ganny ;)
I agree 100%. After my son had his heart transplant I thought the same things. I am not going to worry about the laundry, dishes or keeping my house clean so when someone comes to visit they won't think I am a slob. I did pretty good for a while but it did not last long. I feel like sometimes I am wasting the lessons that I was supposed to learn. But I also know we are given reminders all the time and that we will eventually "get it". I am just in awe of your faith and strength. I am so glad that things are going well, we will pray for things to continue getting better and better.
I am thinking of you. Hugs from Egypt.
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