happy happy day

i have this sister that is 18 months younger than me.
i didn't care too much for her as little, little kids.
i spent a lot of time choking her
and even more time bossing her around.
well, i definitely don't choke her anymore,
and i try really hard to not boss her around.
instead, i'm trying to squeeze in as much time as i can get with her.
thankfully she only lives 1.2 miles away
and thankfully she doesn't mind my company.
she turned 31 today.
it's not too old.
i'll always be older.
we spent her birthday lunch discussing how we don't look at early 20 year olds and wish it was us anymore.
we are grateful to be comfortable in our maturing skin.
happy birthday, little sister.

re-covered

on november 29, 2009 pete had a cardiac arrest
AND near death experience might i add.
he fell out of bed,
dead body weight,
and he crashed the night stand over.
that's how i knew something was terribly wrong.
he knocked the nightstand so hard against the wall that it chipped some paint off the wall and left green paint scuff marks from the nightstand.
they have been on my wall ever since.
it has been the only physical reminder left in my home of that terrifying night.
i have looked at them often over the 2+ years since.
i have touched them at times, too,
remembering what it sounded like,
oh, it was so loud.
i was certain the lamp was broken.
(it wasn't).
it also has made me remember what he looked like laying face down in that night stand.
chills still haunt me a bit at that image.
i guess you could say that those paint scuffs have meant something.
those paint scuffs have crossed my mind every time we have discussed moving out of this house.
i was afraid to let that last tangible thing go.
well, i'm not afraid anymore.
i just re-covered them a few days ago with a fresh coat of bedford gray paint.
i hesitated right before i rolled over them.
i looked at them closely again.
i even touched them.
and recalled again the exact details of that night.
then i painted over them.
the scuffs were gone just like that.
it was an important sign to me that i must be pretty recovered now.
and i prefer the bedford gray.

imprinted

do you ever have days where you wish someone could be capturing all of your candid moments because they are just so memorable?
since there were no candid takers around here,
i had to do the next best thing.
i imprinted each of our memorable moments right onto my heart.
i was watching with fascination,
and with the kind of joy that makes your heart feel like it's coming out of your body,
as my children used their wings all day long.
their gifts were so clear to me as i watched each one of them do their thing...

maggie mothering her baby doll the whole day with sips out of her bottle, rides in her stroller, and wrapping her in her blanket and squeezing her so tight.
what a perfect little mother she is already!

will engineering and constructing the perfect forts all day long
and being happy.
so happy and content with all that was going on around him.

and sam.
he finds his joy in creating.
and organizing.
he re-arranged his dresser top several times.
he offered insight onto what i should hang on my bedroom walls,
and best of all he organized an amazing activity for our family last night.
it was perfectly orchestrated right down to the angle of the chairs.
he wanted a stargazing activity.
he stood for quite some time in our front yard looking from every corner trying to decide where we would be able to see the most stars unobstructed.
he carried kitchen chairs outside and lined them up in a perfect row,
and each one was covered with a blanket for the crowd's comfort.
hot cocoa was made for sipping while outside.
and there we sat as a family,
right on our busy street,
looking at the stars,
drinking hot cocoa,
and telling jokes.
lots of made up jokes that didn't really make much sense but were still funny.
then the deer came.
the deer always come.
we watched with wonder
until the boys decided we needed to clean out the remaining produce in our fridge for their midnight snack.
we followed the deer up the street dropping tasty morsels all along the way.

tender i tell you.
watching these delightful children having the space to be exactly what is in their heart is about the best thing this mama's heart could hope for.

not just another friend

i've needed a friend lately,
and just at the exact same time i needed it
i got an email from a friend saying how much she appreciates my friendship.
and then the next day 2 of my other closest friends met me for lunch
and we talked & listened for at least 2 hours.
it was the kind of 2 hours that felt like 2 minutes,
and the conversation was the kind that could've gone on for 2 more hours.
then a short time later my sister showed up at my house and stayed for her usual chat.
by the end of all this i have been happily reminded how important the friendships i have are to me,
and a reminder to do my part to be that kind of friend.

larger than life

our little maggie is something else.
she has a personality that is truly larger than life.
the world is just like a playground for her,
and she's happy playing on every square inch of it.
i recently started a mom & tots dance class with her.
saying she loves it would be an understatement.
all you have to do is say the word 'dance',
and she is breaking it down.
she has confidence that i dream of
and the kind of ownership of her life that i hope will last forever.

where dreams come true

if i must admit,
i have been worried that sam & will would never like each other.
since will's birth there has been so much competition between them
and not exactly what i would have called brotherly love.
i have struggled with this
and many times have felt that sibling friendship would never come for these two.
however, they have recently turned over a new leaf in their relationship.
they are actually playing TOGETHER,
and more importantly dreaming together.
a few weeks ago they shared with me their plan to buy a house together.
they plan on living right next door to pete & me.
they will have their own rules though,
which includes eating as many snacks as they want.
they made it clear that pete & i can come over whenever we want,
we don't even have to ask first.
we were recently picking up some paint at home depot.
they were busy in the disney paint section.
they brought me bright paint samples and informed me these were the colors they were going to be painting in their house together.
i was more than DE-LIGHTED!
it reminded me of being a pre-teen,
riding around an upscale oklahoma city neighborhood
and planning with my sisters about buying a mansion together and living in separate wings with our families after we were married.
we are still planning a "walker homestead" where we all live on the same plot of land,
just in separate houses.
we plan these dreams because we care about each other so much that we don't ever want to have to live without each other.
i hope that by sam & will planning their own house together
they are secretly saying they love each other so much, too, that they never want to be apart.

through my child's lens

maggie's lens