Monday, June 20, 2011

never again...

never again will i be able to bend my left so far up that it almost touches my shin.
never again will it feel like there is a bone coming out of my heel when i walk barefoot.
never again will my limp look quite like it does now.
and thank goodness i will never have to wear those gray simple shoes or miz mooz again!
while these losses will more than likely feel like upgrades after tomorrow's surgery,
it still feels like i'm losing something unique about the body that i have always known.

tonight i got out all my old braces that i wore when i was a very young baby and child.
i was using them to explain to my boys how my body has always been and about tomorrow's surgery will be changing my foot.
they were rather impressed.
so impressed they were determined to fit the molded braces onto their too big & misshapen feet.
they were even impressed with the one-piece muppet baby jumper that my grandma made me for my 1st surgery.
(that was sure a clever suit! the crotch snapped so i never had to pull down my pants over my full length cast to go to the bathroom.)
they were so impressed that they had to try it on,
and twirl around in it.
i was 6 at the time i wore it;
i must have been the same size as will is at 3;
it fit him perfectly.
i think i must have been sam's size when i was about 9. :)

perhaps in 26 more years i will look back on this night, sharing my story with the boys,
and just may not be able to remember exactly how it felt to walk this way or feel this way.
but just like i could remember the little girl of so many years ago like she never changed,
perhaps this phase won't be entirely forgotten either.
just improved.


katwalk said...

I know the feeling. I hope that it will be a new improved special little foot. I truly hope it is a success. that the Lord will be guiding the doctors hands that everything goes as planned. It sure seems like I should be there. call me you are up to it..Good luck I love you. I hope you have a group of mothering angels about you so you can feel my love.

Meghan said...

i wish you all the luck jen. and that your husby and team do well "without" you - I am sure they will. we will keep you and that foot of yours in our prayers.

katwalk said...

oh I thought will was very cute but I think you were a bit bigger.

Debby Sharp Johnson said...

Thinking of you with love today and remembering that little girl who inspired us all and STILL DOES!! May God's richest blessings pour out for you as they have before! Love you!!

The Nickell Family said...

Good luck today! Hoping all goes well.

linda pearson said...

jen you are such a very special lady all the surgeries and things that would make anyone get depressed but they have never stopped you as you grew up you just kept on ticking love ya

Ryan and Amy Harvey said...

That picture of Will is CLASSIC!

Ryan and Amy Harvey said...

I can remember always trying to get that tall plastic velcro one to fit on my foot. It never really worked out very well but the braces were kind of fun to put on our dolls sometimes. How crazy that this chapter of your life is being added to.

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