what will i remember

i recently read the thoughts of a mother who was imagining it was her last day with her child.

what would i do if this was the last day? she wondered.

i would hold my child and memorize everything about them. she concluded.

as i sat rocking maggie tonight,

on the eve of her birth date,

i found myself wanting to memorize everything about her in this moment in time,

everything about her first year.

i want to memorize the smile that never leaves her face,

her big four teeth you see every time she smiles,

her bright, big, blue eyes,

and happy spirit.

i want to memorize her big round belly and teeny tiny body,

her tiny steps that she is taking,

how wobbly her body but strong in her determination.

i want to memorize her curls in the back of her hair,

how she used to look wearing a bow before she would pull it off all the time.

i want to memorize her love,

love for me,

her dad,

all people that she knows,

sometimes even strangers,

especially babies, mostly when she can touch them,

and her love and interest in her brothers;

no matter what they do to her she almost always laughs.

i want to memorize how she watches them,

observing and practicing all she sees them do.

i want to memorize her ability to play,

her favorite play things... her white phone, a toy piano, butterfly book, fabric flower shaker,

even dumping baskets of toys out and pulling books off the shelf are favorites.

i won't forget how she is content to crawl all around the grass when we are outside without needing anyone to entertain her.

or how she loves for will to swing her in the apple tree swing, even if it is too high.

i will memorize how content she is playing in the bathroom floor with a toothbrush while i shower,

and i will especially remember how you will stand next to the tub hoping to get in, too.

you love taking a shower with me;

you love to open your mouth and let the water flow in.

i have memorized all this girl can eat!

she is a fan of food,

so much so she scavenges the garbage cans and floors for any morsel she can find.

she can even out eat her brothers.

always eating...

bananas, bread, strawberries, cheese, oranges must be the favorites.

never picky unless it's peas, not so much a fan, and that's what gets thrown on the floor.

but she will eat anything else,

even your finger if you are not careful.

i will not forget what a good nurser she has been

or how easily she is weaning.

oh, and i will not forget what a fabulous sleeper she is!

still 2 naps a day and 8-7:30 at night.

she has been the easiest one so far... just lay her down and turn on her ocean sound machine.

i won't forget how quickly she learned to crawl before 6 months

and how she crawls anywhere,

except for down the stairs; she is not even tempted. up is a different story.

i will memorize you laughing and playing in your yellow crib (the one where you chewed off the paint on the inside) when you wake up

and how you are always standing and smiling and waiting for your brothers to get you out.

always smiling even when they drag you out and around.

i think about how small you are,

maybe weighing 16 lbs. and still wearing 3-6 mos. pants and 6-9 mos. shirts & dresses.

oh, and just barely out of size 2 diapers today.

putting diapers and clothes on are kind of a joke.

you flip over 100 times and squirm away 20 times before i can get either one of you.

i will not forget how much you love snuggling up to me,

or how easily you fall asleep in your dad's arms at church.

or how perfectly you still fit laying across my lap

and how you like laying your head in my arm to be rocked before bed.

i have a feeling you won't let us forget that sassy streak you have,

and i won't forget how you make me laugh when you stick out that bottom lip and cry when i tell you 'no' about throwing the food off your high chair.

i will memorize how much you love to play peek-a-boo and patty cake,

especially when you want to get everyones attention.

you are already an entertainer.

there are so many things about you to memorize.

i hope i have studied your face and held your body enough that i will never forget exactly how you have been in these precious moments.