Tuesday, April 28, 2009

dog needs a new home

my name is calvin.
calvin the big brown dog.
i am 5 years old.
i've been pretty spoiled for those 5 years,
and i'm looking forward to spoiling a new family.
i'm really good with kids,
especially if they have diapers i can shred.
i'm a really good sleeper,
especially if i can do it on your bed or couch.
i don't need much dog food
as long as you leave plenty of leftovers on the counter
or keep food in the kids' hands.
i am an outside dog
for about 2 minutes until i decide i need back in.
then i will whine relentlessly at your door to let you know i'm still out there.
i love going on walks
especially if you weigh under 120 lbs. and don't mind being dragged the whole way.
i'm a great watch dog,
and i bark at everything just in case you need to be warned.
i'm pretty brave
unless the wind is blowing or you go out of town and leave me behind.
i don't tear anything up,
unless you consider shredding the carpet under the bed.
i am house trained
unless i get a tummy ache so bad in the night and can't get you awake
only then do i leave a mound in the floor.
i have great potty habits,
but i would never consider cleaning up after myself,
so i will leave that up to you if you want to use your backyard.
i really am a sweet dog, and i don't really want to leave my great family.
unless you live on a farm in oklahoma.
any takers?


Meghan said...

oooh. i would, except - we already have a keni. but they sound like siblings. if calvins new owners need another 5 year old pup - let me know!

Ganny said...

Dear Calvin, It sounds like someone's nerves are wearing thin.I have tried to consider the offer. I do live on a farm in Oklahoma.I love to walk also, but you would jump the gun and turn the walk into a run. There are no diapers to shred, and about the bed. I am a restless sleeper, and I fear there would be too much snoring in my ear.

Another thing there are just us girls ( DeeOgee and myself). We both feel there is not a spot in our lives right now for a man at our house. Sorry we have things to do that no doubt would not suit you.

We have few leftovers warm or cold. We empty them out before they get too old.

We have no cats..No need DeeOgee catches the mice and rats. She is the greatest gopher machine, that I have ever see.

How you would get here is another thing. You would be so scared to ride on a plane. you would be in luggage and not first class.

The dark is peaceful, and quiet, but you would be scared when the coyotes howl all night.

Dear ole' Calvin, my advice to you to to clean up your act and start anew. Love Ganny

Ryan and Amy Harvey said...

Ganny that is funny...Jen good luck with that.

Arin and Troy said...

Poor Calvin, I dont think there is any hope for you. I think Ganny was your only chance for a new home. ha ha. Besides, if Ganny took you, then she would have to take all three of our dogs too!

katwalk said...

poor calvin and I thought you were so nice the other day when I came over you didn't even bark and no one was home and when I called your name you didn't even knock me over when you came to greet me you do make a mess but I don't think you could be happy anywhere but ganny's That would be agood dog life for him all the freedom he needs but arin I thought you loved your dogs

Dana Marie said...

*rofl* Ganny's comment and your post were so cute.

On a serious note, if you wanna get rid of the dog because he's driving you crazy, have you thought of training it? Have you seen the dog whisper show? Ceasar Milan is a fantastic dog trainer. You should check out his books! That way maybe calvin could be happy to stay and you'd be happy to have him stay!

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