Wednesday, March 11, 2009


that's what i did today; i had a good, healthy return to my past, to my roots. it was a simple thing, really, but MONUMENTAL. today was that day that i'm certain (or hopeful) that we all have at some point. it was the day where i looked at my mother and thought "i understand you." i'm not sure why it is this way, or why it was this way for me, not exactly sure why i spent so much of my life resisting my mother. you look like her, and you resist it. your cleaning habits are like her, you resist it. your insecurities are like her, and you deny it. your strengths are like her, and you won't believe it came from her. you like the same things as her, and you resist it. you want the same core things, and you would never believe it. until a day like today, when you see it. 
i think i always expected a perfect mom without ever considering her circumstances. she made a lot of choices i would never have made, but she also made a lot choices i hope i will make. i hope i will sew my babies clothes. i hope i will always make their halloween costumes. i hope i will always love the earth like she does. i hope i will be as resourceful as she has been. i hope i will keep as many school papers from my kids as she did. i hope i will never miss a sporting event that my children are participating in. i hope i will take as many simple pictures of my kids that capture them exactly the way they were in that moment. i hope i will let my kids have a cat. i hope i will have a few simple recipes that my kids will always remember eating and want to eat with their own families. i hope i will give my kids freedom. i hope i will love my grandkids as much as she loves her. i hope i will always keep going and overcoming just like she has done. i hope i will always be real.
i took my own meaning from this scripture today..."turning the hearts of the fathers (mothers)  to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers (mothers)." because i have my own children, i now understand how my mother's heart was always turned to me. and after today i understand what it means to turn my heart to my mother. i can finally empathize with her. i feel like i finally see how we fit in our little circle of life, mother included.


Arin and Troy said...

I am glad you have finally come full circle with the rest of us. :) Mom definatley has alot to be proud of and she deserves alot of respect for the mother she was to us. Thank you Mother, we all have so much to learn from you.

Just to add to your list, I hope i can sing and dance to my kids like she did and I want to do candle light dinners with my kids like she did, too.

katwalk said...

thanks for looking you guys I'll love you forever and please always sing and dance!!!! oh and guess what song I have again 'birthday' so get ready I found it

Ryan and Amy Harvey said...

It is amazing how your attitude and understanding of life changes once you have kids of your own. I am glad that you are able to embrace the things of the past rather than push them away.

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