Wednesday, May 2, 2012

i believed

(photos by will.)

i felt like i was walking on the moon all morning.
that whole "just believe" lesson i wrote about yesterday was working.
(until i had a late afternoon disaster with a paint sprayer)
my heart wasn't doing that anxious motherhood racing at all.
instead it was more like exploding,
but the good exploding.
the kind of exploding you have when you look at your kids and can feel how much you love them and everything they do.
i was calm,
and my life was calm.
we played at the park,
like that kind of play that was fun & not forced,
i worked at home with them right by side playing in their own world,
and snuggled with sam after school & really connected.
still trying to figure out how to keep my heart calm longer than a few hours.
perhaps the trick is to just be grateful that it comes like this at all.

1 comment:

Cydney M said...

So, Jen - you honestly have much deeper emotions that I have ever had! Dangeroulsy close to not being able to read your blog again while I convince myself that I am not a emotion-less zombie! Good for you for being so in touch. You are such a tender heart with your kids. You feel things much deeper than many of us! Enjoy the happy while they are young - the hurts are much easier now too. Just wait until Sam is too cool to hug is mom very often - started about 6 months ago with Ryan. He also doesn't want me at his school, sporting events, etc - esp if I might talk to someone or, heaven forbid, cheer for him. That was hard for even this zombie heart (of course I have completely ignored his requests!) Just wait until someone is honestly mean to your child - I have been a complete disaster about this one. I have not been closer to egging someone's house since....EVER. ERic seriously had to restrain me and the dozen eggs. But my petrified heart was happy today when we/Abby made it to school happily, dressed (in a ratty T-shirt, but beggars can't be chosers)with only kind words spoken. Best of luck my tender hearted friend! BTW - I can only imagine the pain sprayer debacle :)

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