Monday, May 7, 2012

7:: MAY

well, the first day of trying to be more grateful almost went exactly how expected.
i was trying to be grateful for everything,
trying to get that heart pricked feeling that i was really grateful for something.
when will spilled his chocolate milk off the counter,
i tried to be grateful that i didn't get mad,
grateful that i calmly helped him clean it up.
it didn't prick my heart though.
and i wasn't grateful he spilled it.
later in the day i thought i was grateful for sam's creativity for wanting to make his own happy meal  hamburger with thin, sliced cheese, sliced dill pickles, square onions, and ketchup.
still no prick.
and the day was dragging on.
i had a list of things in every corner to be grateful for,
but the feeling felt forced.
i was hoping when i committed to this that i would let gratitude penetrate my heart,
to help me feel all the reasons for living.
well, it felt like just a pretty typical day.
until about 5:00.
i was doing nothing more than sitting in the boys' room helping them hang laundry,
and my heart was pricked.
pricked with gratitude for being able to stay home and raise my children.
grateful that they could be with me instead of someone else.
that will & maggie could make 3 feet bendy straws at our table.
that maggie could chase birds all afternoon in our yard.
that sam has a place on the couch that he knows he will set everyday with me to do his reading.
i am home.
my kids are home.
i don't have a "perfect" home,
and i'm surely far from perfect in it,
but at least i am home.
heart pricked.

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