Sunday, September 25, 2011

the best of intentions

a few weeks ago a very good friend told me she stopped reading my blog awhile ago.
she said it made her feel like a bad mother.
i've been thinking about her comment ever since.
first of all, i'm still trying to figure out what on earth she is talking about!
second of all, i've been wondering why we do this to ourselves.
why we are constantly comparing ourselves to others in our same lot.
(me included!)
and that is why i decided to write this post....
to remind us that we mothers should really be in this journey of motherhood together,
to stop comparing our children and our efforts to every other mother around us.
there really is no perfect mother,
and on many days i find myself wondering if i was really cut out for this.
the truth of the matter is that i have more days than i would like to count where i don't feel like being a mom that day,
especially saturdays,
that's the day my mother brain checks out,
almost every week.
i have days where getting on the floor and playing with my kids is the last thing i want to do.
i say things to my children that i regret,
and i don't like them around when i'm sewing anymore,
and i yell at them when they are pulling my thread out,
and i yell at them for other things, too.
i've even been known to tell them that they are "driving me crazy!" or "killing me!",
and i would skip sundays all together.
many weeks i'm so bad at doing laundry that sam already knows to go look in the dryer when he is out of clean socks in hopes that there are some unfolded in there.
my house is much messier than i would like for it to be,
and i don't always take the mess in stride.
especially when my house smells like rotten food or kid pee.
i worry constantly if i'm loving my kids enough,
or if i am capable to teach them how to love themselves and overcome their insecurities.
so often i feel unprepared to be the kind of mother that i want to be;
many days i feel like i'm faking my way through this daunting task of motherhood.
i have a natural tendency to remember the negative things,
but that is not how i want to be,
and it's not how i want to remember these precious days with my little ones.
so, i write honestly on this blog about the good moments with my children because that is what i want to have in the end.
and i've always hoped that in sharing my experiences that other moms would see the bright side of their days, too.
that in some small way we could feel like we really are all in this together,
without judgement or criticism.
so, i'm sorry if i've done the opposite to any other readers.
it has never been my intention.
we are all just doing the best we can,
and that should be enough.

oh, in case you are still reading from time to time,
 i still love you CM!
your comment didn't hurt my feelings.
it just made me think. :)

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