it has been painful to watch sam today. today in primary he wanted to be chosen so bad for an activity. the teacher kept saying she was looking for someone reverent to participate. sam was never trying so hard in his life. time and time again she looked past him and chose someone who was more just needing a distraction. i watched sam almost in tears. i know it's not that big of a deal; your kid is not going to get picked every time. i realize that, and i'm ok with that. i was just painfully reminded of my childhood. i was always the quiet one who never got picked for anything, not in class and not for the dodge ball team in gym. oh, how i wanted to be called on though! i relived that pain a thousand times today watching sam. he was trying so hard to not appear upset. thankfully he did get chosen very last, right before i couldn't hold my tears in any longer. you would have thought he had just been called to walk on the moon. he was happy.
another instance... he LOVES his stuffed animals. he has about 10 of them that we take almost everywhere we go. thankfully he has one that just turned 20, so we can always leave them buckled up in the car with the 20-year-old tiger when we go into places and they will be safe. that wasn't the case tonight. he was very excited to take them into his grandma's house to show his animals to his cousins. it turned into a very strange night. i noticed that he wasn't playing with anyone all night and just wanted to sit with me. that is NEVER the case. when we got home he told me that one of his cousins told him that they didn't want to play with him with his animals. sam was very hurt by this. he told me that his animals are very special to him. i wanted to cry again. i'm certain his cousin wasn't being unkind. it probably isn't fun to every child to play stuffed animals; i just hope comments like this don't threaten his love for his own interests. i've had moments like that; you feel stupid or embarrassed and never want to have anything to do with those things again. i'm just hoping.
even with will. i'm already sad seeing him chase after the older kids and always being behind. i fear that he will never catch up or no one will ever want to wait for him. these things are really hard for me.
i'm not suggesting that everyone is so cruel to my kids and out to hurt their feelings or that i want to protect my children from these types of experiences. my life was full of them as i'm sure many children's lives are. to be honest, i would prefer my children to be on this end than on the hurting end. i just hope if they do end up with a life full of these type of experiences that it will keep their hearts soft and highly aware of other's feelings with an added sensitivity for them. in the meantime, i just hope i can hold myself together. sigh.
3 comments:
This is a part of life. It goes on and on, you will be tormented by it, even when you are a grandmother, great-grandmother. Some things and more often, some people are cruel. Remember Coach Fields. Lavon and James and I were talking yesterday about how cruel, and I SAY STUPID, the faculty at Pioneer school was to their kids.
tell sam he can bring his friends over her and I'll play with him..and what tiger are we talking about 1990?
We all feel like that somethimes - - just the details change slightly! Hang in there.
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