this was recently the subject of a post i read on a friend's blog. i read it over and over again and pondered if i had been asked to do hard things in my life, and i concluded that i had not. that is no longer the case. i have spent the last 24 hours enduring something harder than i ever imagined i would be expected to do.
last night pete had a major cardiac arrest in his sleep. he is alive and not conscious, and the outcome is looking bleak. they are still saying that he has a 2-5 % survival rate right now. he is very sick. the best things he has going for him is that he is young, strong, and healthy. the other thing is that it was a witnessed cardiac arrest and that everything happened as quickly and exactly as it could have. i was the one who witnessed the arrest. i called 911 immediately and began administering cpr the second he stopped breathing. the attending officer and first paramedic to arrive were people who knew pete and who loved him. that certainly added to the intensity of his care by no coincidence.
my brain is really full, and my heart is really empty. i have so many emotions that i may be sharing here; i need them out. so many memories, too. i didn't know a human heart could hurt this much; i didn't know i would be so lost without him.
i keep wondering if i can do hard things. in my wondering i have had overwhelming confirmation that i can do hard things, but i don't want to. i don't want to do anything without him. i would do any hard thing if i could just have him back.
i know many of you will be very concerned by this news. there is nothing that can be done right now, and everything that can be done is being done. this blog will try to be maintained with updates. please feel free to contact me through the comment section or through email, but i will probably be too distracted to respond in a timely manner.
if you are one of my clients, then please consider any scheduled hair appts. canceled. i know i will be taking a long break from doing hair. plus, my flat iron broke, and pete was going to fix it yesterday; that was the plan. but please don't get too comfortable somewhere else. i will need your support back at some unspecified time.
Monday, November 30, 2009
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33 comments:
Oh, my precious little Jennifer.We have shared enough tears already to fill an ocean. I have been thinking of you and your plans for your life, beginning when you were very young. You achieved your dreams. You got your perfect husband, your perfect family. Happiness that exceeded your expectations.I know the saying God does not give us more than we can handle. I wish He could let up on you.
You are so close in my heart, but so far away in miles. I love you so much... Ganny
Jennifer,
We are behind you guys 100%, always have been and always will. I can't believe this. I had to reread the post 5 times before it sank in and I've been crying since. We will be praying for you all day for as long as it takes. Please let us know what we can do to help. I know you have a lot of family but you guys are like family to us. We'll keep checking back for updates.
You can do this, I know you don't want to, and I don't want you to have to but, you know that we are all here to help you through.
jen i can't see through the tears. i can't understand this and even though the one thing i do know with my heart is that things happen because of a plan, this i don't get. i am so so sad about the news, but really do want to help do whatever i can. i pray that you will have the strength your little body needs to endure whatever the next days hold.
Jen,
I grew up going to school with Pete and lived in his neighborhood. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.
Julia
My thoughts and prayers are certainly with you! I, too, went to school with Pete and I'm not sure if you remember me. May the Lord give you strength and bless you at this time.
Crista Axenty Dennis
Jen, I just want you to know that you have been in my constant thoughts and prayers. I am here if you ever need ANYTHING - I mean it. I am so, so sorry that you have to go through this and wish there was a way to make this nightmare go away. You are loved by so many.
My older brother went to high school with Pete, I was a sophomore when they were seniors. Just wanted you to know we're praying for Pete, you and your children and your families. God bless all of you.
Jen,
I just want you to know how much we all love you. i am so sorry for everything you must be experiencing right now. my heart is sick for you and your little ones. i do know that you can get through this. you are an amazing person, and you have always been an amazing example to me. i think back on our hair-school days with such fondness. i feel as if we have always been friends, even before this life. please know that you will always have my support and prayers.
Jen, our thoughts and prayers are with you and Pete.
Love,
Candice and Jim Karper
Jen -
I can't believe the words I just read. I am completely heartbroken for you. I'll pray for you and Pete. We love you!!
Ashly
Jen, Again...your family is in our thoughts and prayers. I can't believe or understand why this is happening. I wish this wasn't happening to you guys. We are here for anything you need. Anything.....
Jen,
My heart is broken, I will be praying for you and your family.
Jen, I know so many have said it, but you have been in my constant thoughts and prayers! I just keep thinking about how much strength you have. Heavenly Father trusts you so much and believes in you! I wish I could do something to take this away from you! I have always watch you and Pete and am amazed (and a little jealous!) at your relationship! He adores you!
Jordyn wanted to make a card for you and Pete and your boys last night. She honestly spent an hour coloring, and making dots all over it, then she handed it to me this morning as we were leaving and asked me to put a stamp on it and mail it to you.
Please please please let me know what I can do! I know the Lord will be with you and your family and will give you the strength you need! You will continue to be in all of our thoughts and prayers!
Oh, Jennifer. I am so sorry to hear about Pete. We are praying for you, your family, and for Pete. The Lord is mindful of you and knows what you are capable of. He is with you and I pray you feel His peace in your heart. Love you.
Jennifer,
I'm crying and speechless. I am so sorry...and I know that nothing I say will fix this or make it feel better. I am praying with all of my heart for a miracle. I'll be checking your blog and may even call although, I know you're not really available physically or emotionally to talk. Of all the people I know you are one that I know without a doubt can do hard things.
Love you,
Stormy
I grew up just up the street from Pete. (Fuller family) I am speechless. My heart aches for you and your babies. I will be praying for Pete and your family. God bless all of you.
Jennifer. This breaks my heart to read. Paul and I are praying and hoping the best for you guys. I'm so sorry.
Oh Jen. My heart's been breaking for you your little family. I've gotten prayer circles lifting you up, as am I. Love you!
Jen, we have been fasting and praying for Pete today. He and your family are very much in the center of our thoughts and prayers.
you have many angels surrounding you J. I love you so much
Jennifer, I did a post asking everyone I know (and don't know) to pray for Pete and your family. I linked to your blog...and I even got my Mom's class alumni praying for you all. I am mustering up every ounce of prayer and faith I have in me to hopefully bless Pete with a miracle and to comfort your family.
Love,
Stormy
You don't know me, but I followed a link from Suzie Drigg's facebook account. Suzie is in my ward, a good friend of mine. My husband had a massive heart attack 1 year ago August 25th. I know your pain. I will be praying for you and your dear family, for I personally know how hard this is. You are so positive and strong, and have such adorable children. Heavenly Father is always with you and loves you. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.
Dear Jen! Our hearts and prayers are with you, Pete and the boys. John and I have been thinking of you two a lot. Please know how much we love you guys; your support system, good attitude and amazing Faith make you one of the strongest women I know! May the Lord's blessings be close by and sustain you. Hugs and Love!
Heidi & John
i am a friend of Suzies and came by just to say my prayers are pulling for you and Pete at this time. I can only imagine your heart ache!
Jennifer, I am heartbroken over this. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. We're pulling for Pete and you too to get through this hard thing.
Oh my Dear Daughter Jenni, I know that Our Kind and Gracious Heavenly Father loves you pete and your family very much as you read the words of others you know they can see your strength But I know truely how strong and what a special spirit you are I know that the windows of Heaven can fly open and everything you need will be giving Jenni I love you just get him to fight with everything thing we know Pete has and then may all the strength of Heaven come rolling forth when the need be I know you will giving it you best shot I love all of you I'm sending all I have to you your mom
Jennifer, We don't know eachother, I am a friend of a friend. Your story breaks my heart. I have and will continue to pray for a miracle in your family. May you continue to have strength and know that all things are in His hands.
Carlie Lehrfeld
Oh my goodness Jenn. I can't even see the screen I'm crying so hard for your family. Please fight Pete. And please call if I can take your boys or help in any way. I am praying for you all!!!!
Jennifer,
You don't know me but I saw your story through a friend on FB. You CAN do hard things, trust me. My husband was a foreman on a steel crew and fell 15 feet landing on his head. He suffered a traumatic brain injury. He was in a coma for 3 weeks. I was told that he would probably be in a vegetative state and would have to live in a nursing home. I had 3 kids and was pregnant at the time. It has been 2 years since his accident and it was a long, hard recovery but I have my husband back. He is the same guy I married. He is back to doing everything he did before the accident. Most impotantly he's back to being a dad. Miracles DO happen! Don't give up! Have faith and keep hope alive! You are not alone! I never thought that I could get through it, but I did! You will too! My prayers are with you and your family.
Saw this on Jocee's facebook; I'm so, so sorry. Which just seems really trite right now. Words don't really seem to do the situation much justice. Hope all goes well and that you are able to find the strength and courage in this incredibly difficult time. I'm sure you will find tenacity within yourself you didn't know you had -even if it may not feel like it in the moment. Wishing you all the best.
Oh my! Oh Jen,I am so sorry to read this. Oh my. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please use me as a resource. I am a great baby sitter, toilet cleaner and snow shoveler. Call, text or email anytime and I will be available.
Hi Jennifer...this is Laura, Pete's assistant. He gave me the link to his blog and his post had a link to what you wrote when he had his cardiac arrest. I just wanted to tell you I think you guys are a really cool family. Your husband always speaks so sweetly about you and I think that's really special.
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