my valentine

valentine's day has never been a favorite of mine, and it still isn't; i think it's all a little forced and cheesy. however, i have spent a lot more time this weekend thinking about love, what it means, and how it feels. the love i have with pete has been on a whole different level since his incident, and that's more of what i was thinking about. i know our love didn't begin with his incident, and i know it won't end here either.

the first night pete was in the hospital was by far the most critical; i think most of us believed he would not live. that night we had a General Authority from our church come to administer a blessing to him. i was hoping for a blessing that would promise he would be healed; that's what i thought i needed and wanted the very most. that was not the blessing he got, and i ended up getting something much more far lasting than that. before the blessing was administered the General Authority spoke with me about the feeling he got by being in that room, and he said that he could sense an overwhelming love affair between me and pete. he offered the most tender insight about what was happening between me and pete at that time. he reassured me that he was certain that the only pain pete was feeling was pain for me and for my heartache at the thought of not having him anymore; he believed that pain for me far outweighed any physical pain that he was feeling. as i looked at my lifeless husband hooked up to every form of life support, i was certain he was right. it was more of a sense, something i could just feel. all 8 1/2 years of our marriage filled my mind, and i was very aware of how pete has spent our marriage loving me and being concerned about me before himself. i was convinced in those moments that pete was fighting a fight for me, not for himself.

since pete has been awake from the first time, i have felt his love and sense of victory that he did this for me. there are no words to express my gratitude for him fighting that fight for me, for us. nor are there words that i know to explain the depth of our "new" relationship. even in our new trials with each other, i am reassured that our concern is about each other, and that will sustain us. i am relieved to know that this love affair won't end with death; i will cherish every lifetime that i get to spend with him.