another bizarre comfort would come almost every time i woke up. sometimes i would wake up panicked of where the doctors and nurses were. i couldn't believe that i had pete and the boys there alone with only me to take care of them. i would get really freaked out and at times get up and look around for a doctor. in those crazy moments i had an overwhelming insight that our room was full of people from the other side who were administering to pete and strengthening me. hopefully when i wake up again looking for the doctors and nurses i will be reassured with that feeling.
Monday, December 7, 2009
nights are hard
i know there's still a long way to go until i can get in bed at night and start to feel peace instead of fear. last night was long and hard. pete was stirring a lot and mumbling all kinds of things, some things funny like about getting the book about the aerospace museum before we went upstairs and other things a lot more disturbing. he wouldn't keep his arm restrained to his side so he wouldn't disrupt the defibrillator implant; he would wake me up all the time pulling the restraint off. if he happened to not wake me up i would wake up to see his arm above his head which is a MAJOR no no for at least 3 more weeks. that worried me. i was mostly scared that he kept almost rolling out of bed so many times; that's what really scares me and makes me re-live it. i held onto him the whole night hoping and praying that i could keep him there. every time i woke up only 30 minutes had passed. it was a long night to say the least.
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15 comments:
I wish there was something I could do to help. Please know that we are still thinking of you and praying not only for Pete to recover but for you too.
If you need some rest...time ro refocus your energy, please let me know! I am just around the corner, and my girls would love to have the boys over for a playdate!
Remember there are plenty people on this side of the veil that are just waiting to have a chance to help you guys- including us!
Maybe you could sleep somewhere else for a little while (until the 3 weeks are up) and have family and friends take shifts monitoring Pete sleeping. He and the boys really need you during the day. And your body's growing little Maggie! We would be more than happy to take a shift.
You could also check and see if your insurance would cover a hospital bed at your home (most do for stuff like this) with a drs authorization. They have the guardrails that would prevent him from rolling off.
I used to work for a health insurance company so if you need any help figuring out your insurance stuff I'd be happy to help. Most people get overcharged for stuff they didn't have or for the wrong amount and never notice.
Love you!
yikes - that does sound hard!! Hang in there - you can do it!
Woo Hoo! Thank you so much for continuing to keep all of us informed. The things Jen and Pete have shared are so special and so insightful. And, Jen's written expression skills are PHENOMINAL. Pete, thank you, too, for putting so much energy into the things you wrote on your page. You are absolutely amazing.
Both of you need to take care of each other, and yourselves. Jen, please take your friends up on their offers of help and support. Allowing others to help in trying times is one of the best gifts you can give them.
Take care-
jen just remember that God's angels are keeping watch over you and pete at all times they have been for the past week and will always be there
love ya kiddo
Oh My... remember all you have to do is ask me!!!!!!!!!! you probably had a busy, stressful day yesterday love ganny
Jen, Yesterday was absolutely amazing! Thank you for for all of your posts and for keeping all of us up to date! It has been amazing to see the miracle take place through your eyes and the other contributors to your blog. It is also amazing to see Pete's posts. I am so excited for your family.
I would love to help anyway I can. Jordi would love to play with your boys as well! We are still thinking about you guys and praying for you. Hang in there! I hope you are able to get some rest and take care of you as well!
I'm glad to hear that you are doing better. If there is anything that I can do please let me know. Pete-Did you donate a day this year? I hope so because this was definitely a life threatening illness. Seriously, feel free to call or e-mail; I'd love to help in any way possible.
Sending continuous hugs and support from NYC! Love you guys!
that's not the same as "Hard Days Night" is it? I know it's hard at night it may be for the rest you life to get that deep state of sleep. I remember in one of my hardest times of life a friend told me this and it helped alot through out my life as it has still been a comfort to me something so simple but how many times have we heard it? and this too...Shall come to pass....one day you will look back and say and this too came to pass all things do even at the time it seems it never will. Anew year is in front of us as this full year will come to a end and pass.So be thankful for today and look forward to tomorrow. I knew that you are not alone in all of this so glad that in our time of need the veil is made so thin that we can see and know their is someone by your side at all times know doubt remember you are being watched over at your time of need I love you Jenni you've always been such a big blessing in my life so anxious for you to have your baby girl soon she will be a blessed child no doubt think how strong she is going to be your little angel girl is awaiting her arrival
Jennifer, wow. You are in the midst of a lot of pressure and responsibility right now. I know you can do this and appreciate that you could feel that support from the other side helping you all. I know what that feels like now more than ever in my own life--it's something special. The veil is so thin at times.
If I lived closer, I would take a shift. I really think your other friend's suggestion is something you should consider. Even if you divide the night in half and have two shifts per night, someone could plan to watch for 4-5 hours and still get some sleep and the same with the person on the tale end of the night shift. In the end, you would get your much needed sleep and Maggie would get some rest too. And your day taking care of all our boys could go so much smoother.
I'm praying mucho for you.
Love,
Stormy
We're up late at our house so I thought I'd drop you a note to let you know I'm thinking about you and hoping things are going better for you guys tonight!
You are no doubt being watched over. Love you
Thanks Jen for your kind words. Yes, you are correct...a mother's love and concern never diminshes no matter what the age of her children. Jen, you are doing a remarkable job in all your many different responsibilites! Jane
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