even in the smallest of things

ever since the crisis part of this incident has worn off i've been worried about how to keep that deep appreciation alive for pete, for our boys, and for anyone who is important to us. there just doesn't seem to be the same amount of urgency to enjoy everything about life right now.

i had a very non-crisis moment recently that made me realize that the intensity of emotion doesn't have to be determined by major events. i was driving home from a friend's house just a street away. i let the boys ride in the front seat together since it was not even 1/4 a mile. instantly will turned up the radio all the way as we were listening to the "Wheels on the Bus." i think my first reaction normally would've been to turn it down right away and tell him to stop. instead i took a moment to actually see my boys in this moment. they were elated and singing along as loudly as the music was playing. instead of turning it down i started laughing and singing along with them until we got home. what a difference that made! the intensity of my emotion was running really high at that moment, and i was grateful to know that i still have the ability to feel intensity without a crisis.

as we are still healing from the emotional effects of such a crisis, i am realizing that it is ok to let go of that crisis mode. i'm ready to return and give focus to the daily routines and habits that are creating a well-worn groove of connection between the members of this family. we all have the opportunity to love deeply every day and in every moment; we shouldn't waste the smallest of things waiting for a big crisis to remind us how important people are in our lives.