through my child's lens

will's lens

we will never forget

i wasn't afraid to go to sleep last night.
i wasn't worried that pete wouldn't wake up this morning.
i still remember every detail of pete's cardiac arrest 2 years ago,
and i recall those details often,
luckily without the fear & anxiety that accompanied those memories before.
i'm certain not a thanksgiving weekend will pass without much reflection on the events of 2009,
how immensely our family was blessed,
and where we have come because that whole experience.
last year i was certain that it would always be so easy to celebrate and shower pete with my gratitude.
that is how the whole first year was spent,
i was grateful for every breath he took,
and i would find a way to let him know how grateful i was to have him here and breathing.
with the healing of our traumatic event,
and with the normalcy of life so perfectly restored,
i'm ashamed to admit that the intensity of living somehow has gotten overlooked.
in so many ways it feels like it never happened,
so there's not the memory or the drive to show pete everyday how lucky and happy we are that he is still here.
but it did happen.
and he is still here.
and in my quiet moments i am oh so grateful for that.
but this year i don't want to wait for my quiet moments to feel gratitude.
i want to find ways everyday to thank him for being here,
to show him how he still lights up our life,
and how much we appreciate all he does with his life,
especially right here in our family.
so, here's to another year of celebrating,
and never forgetting,
and maybe using an occasional exclamation mark to show him. :)

through my child's lens

sam's lens

friday book review: the sibling effect

The Sibling Effect: What the Bonds Among Brothers and Sisters Reveal About Us
Jeffrey Kluger

"The universe of human relationships is an impossibly varied one. Wives have their husbands; children have their parents; lovers their partners; friends have one another. There are cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents, schoolmates and colleagues and rivals and peers. Every one of those relationships plays out under its own set of rules and rituals, each unique, each elaborate. For all that richness and complexity, however, there may be no relationships that can run quite as deep or survive quite as long as those among siblings. You know it if you grew up with one. You know it if you are raising some. You know it if you've merely watched a group of them interact.
From the time we're born, our brothers and sisters are our collaborators and co-conspirators, our role models and our cautionary tales. They are our scolds, protectors, goads, tormentors, playmates, counselors, sources of envy, objects of pride. They help us learn how to resolve conflicts and how not to; how to conduct friendships and when to walk away from them. Bigger sibs learn to nurture by mentoring little ones; little sibs learn wisdom by heeding the older ones. Our spouses and children arrive comparatively late in our lives; our parents leave us too early. Our brothers and sisters are with us for the whole journey."


for those of you who know me well know that my sibling relationships are at the top of my list for relationships nearest and dearest to my heart,
so it's no surprise that we separately selected this book for this month's sibling book club selection.
the above passage and many others in this book have resonated with me,
they have touched my heart deeply,
and made me grateful all over again for the siblings i have.
they know me inside and out;
there's never a need for explaining to them;
they just "get it",
and i am so fortunate for the journey we have already been on together
and fortunate for knowing & hoping that they will be on the whole journey.

i think often about my children who have siblings.
i'm afraid i've meddled too much in their unique relationships,
just trying to make it special for them from the beginning,
exactly how it has been for me.
plus, i've known the potential of sibling relationships,
and i have wanted to re-live it all over again with them.
this book has reminded me that i had my chance;
i will never be apart of their sibling clan.
i am the mother,
and that is oh so very different than the sister!
i've began to accept that i won't be apart of their sibling secrets, games, inside jokes, support, or mischief,
nor is it my place.
instead i will continue to bask in what i have
and rejoice in watching my children establish their own strong sibling bonds,
in their own way.
what a privilege it is to see those bonds forming already!
i love to see maggie run to her brothers 1st thing in the morning with wide arms & slobbery kisses,
and i love to see how happy they are to receive her.
i love to hear both sam & will telling their playmate friends at separate occasions about how cute & sweet their sister is.
i love to watch sam & will get a game going,
making up their own rules,
and compromising with each other.
and i'm even starting to not mind the fighting
because i'm catching glimpses of their compassion for each other as they practice conflict resolution.
i'm beginning to see the noise and the wrestling, and the silliness as relationship building,
and i look forward to the day when they can look back and know how lucky they are to have had each other.

someone got a haircut

maggie's hair has grown to be such a reflection of her personality.
the back has these wild curls just like her dad.
she, or i guess i should really say i, have given up on having a bow or accessory in it.
she will touch it within the 1st few seconds, ooh & aahh, and pull it out,
so i've been glad she has curls to distract.
however, they have been a little scraggly and out of control.
so, what's a hairstylist mom to do?
well, trim them of course.
no surprise that mag loved getting her haircut.
she sat so big in the chair
and definitely loved watching herself.
in an instant those curls went from mangey to manageable.

happy halloween....

our halloween was full of candy, parties, and trips to fright mares.
too good to not document.
not to mention too cute...
especially will as flopsy from peter rabbit.
(all his choice. he didn't want to be peter rabbit because he is naughty. he was insistent that his jacket not be blue like peter but red like flopsy. i made that dream come true.)
sam made a terrific ninja.
he originally wanted to be a shark attack victim with a bloody missing arm.
i'm not sure where the idea came from or why he changed his mind.
maggie made a sweet witch,
a good wish of course.

through my child's lens

will's lens

because i'd rather laugh than cry

this is how i feel on many days,

especially today.

this morning before school sam retrieved me from blow drying my hair.

he said i have to come see something that was totally awesome.

to my surprise i walked into the kitchen to see that the boys had emptied the garbage cans all over the kitchen floor.

what's a mom to do!!! 

rest assured,

i didn't clean it up.

shortly after, i attempted to clean up the breakfast mess,
only to find that will & maggie had dumped every blanket we own in maggie's floor to make a blanket city.
that one i did clean up.
THEN i thought i would put some laundry away,
mind you my laundry was just 1/5 of what i was putting away.
i stopped with the boys laundry because apparently they thought it sounded like a good idea to unscrew the knobs off the dresser.
i've stopped my jobs at this point.
i think either way it doesn't matter.
there will always be more jobs waiting.