one week ago today

i love where i was this time one week ago.

i love maggie's birth story.

i love that her arrival to earth was as perfect as i could've hoped.

i love that she is here.

i love every second i have held her since.

i love everything about her.

the only thing i don't love is that i can't freeze these moments and make them last forever.

i know it doesn't last forever just like this. i try to convince myself that it will. i had a reality check 2 nights ago, more of like a painful reminder.

will wouldn't stay in his bed. after many exits from his bed pete and i were getting frustrated. i sternly told him to get back in his bed and not get out again. he started crying, like the "my feelings are really hurt" kind of cry, and he turned around and went back to bed and didn't get out again.

i instantly thought back to when he was so new, thought about how perfect it felt to hold that little miracle. i thought at that time, too, that i loved him so much i could never possibly be mad at him. i was certain i could hang onto that tenderness forever. don't get me wrong, of course i love him with a whole new depth than i did then; however, there's a part of newborn that i just don't know how to hold onto forever. it truly slips so quickly away.

now here i am a week into maggie's life thinking she is so precious that i could never be mad, that i could never send her off to her bed alone and crying. i would like to think that will never happen, but i know better. instead of worrying about that now, i plan to just keep soaking up every last drop of newborn that i possibly can, and hopefully i will never forget it.