christening of the ears

maggie has wanted her ears pierced.
she wanted it last year too but the asking went away quickly.
it has come back up again
and hasn't died.
i knew i never wanted to pierce my infant's ears,
and i knew i didn't want to tell her when it was time to have her ears pierced.
and i no longer thought about making her wait until she was 8 until the age of accountability
because i don't believe in that anymore.
instead the only rule i had was that i wanted to do it when she was ready,
and she was ready.
she wanted to start 1st grade with earrings.
maggie has an impressive trait of knowing what she wants
and her wants have always come from inside
not from other people's expectations.
(oh! to keep that trait inside her forever!!)
the only person that wasn't ready was me.
i was afraid it would change her,
not make her young and innocent.
i wanted her to look little for a long time,
maybe forever.
i felt guilty about modifying her body before an age that she could really understand.
i was afraid she would love it so much,
and to see her love something so deeply would make me afraid.
thankfully i felt these feelings,
understood that they really stemmed from my own fears of loving deeply
and allowing myself to feel pleasure,
and let them go.
we made a special sunday afternoon trip out of it.
a special day where she wore the skirt she wanted
and wore the braid that she believed would keep her hair off her ears the best.
she welcomed a few ear pinchings just to prep what it would feel like.
she wasn't really afraid,
just excited.
that's just how she was in the chair too.
didn't want a teddy bear to hold
and didn't want to be called baby or princess.
she just wanted to have the experience as it was.
she was brave.
she didn't cry.
and she was happy.
happy she did it.
many smiles.
smiles from me and her.
i smiled because she was still just a 6 year old little girl,
and the earrings didn't take away from her innocence
or her childlike look.
if anything it enhanced it because it was her childhood desire.
it felt good to love something
and experience the uninhibited pleasure of loving it.
i like that she feels more connected to me, too,
because we are both girls with earrings.
and i love that she allows me to clean her ears without fighting me;
it's something she looks forward to.
she lets me in
and doesn't push me away.
i hope she always remembers this day,
just as i remember going to the jewelry store with my grandma, mom, and sisters for my ears.
i was brave too,
so brave i got to go first to be the example.
i remember it being special,
a rite of passage.
and for maggie,
i hope she remembers this day,
sitting in the chair at claire's,
having her whole family there to support her.
having her own rite of passage.
and remember how it feels to love something
and allow it to be special.