being that voice

i wrote this post earlier in the summer.
i decided to not post it then,
but this feeling keeps reoccurring,
so perhaps i need the reminder again.

i am not a perfect mother,

never claimed to be.

just trying to narrow down the qualities as a mother that i would like to possess.

you know, like the things that come above all else

and the kind of things that you will always have confidence in and that your children will never forget.

this quote hit it for me.

i can tend to have an annoying/naggish voice.

i don't love that,

and after reading this quote the 1st time i was certain that i needed to work on that.

what kid wants an annoying mother voice nagging in their brain???

after a series of conversations today i realized that's not what i need to change.

it's not so much how i talk to my children that needs the most change

but for me now it's more  how i talk about my children,

and how i advocate for them.

i want my children to hear that i have confidence in them when they hear me talking to others.

i want them to know that i don't worry unnecessarily about them in common ways that mothers worry about their children.

i don't want my voice to radiate anxiety about their development.

i want them to hear confidence,

surety,

that i know they are who they are and that is enough.

there will be many be occasions i'm sure throughout their lives where i will justifiably need to defend them.

i want that to be where they hear my confidence,

not anger in the defense,

but sheer confidence that they have a mother that believes in them no matter if someone else questions that belief.

i know as mothers we worry about our children.

we want them to be their best and all that they are capable of. 

as i look at each of my children i realize they are already being all they are capable of,

even though it might not look like someone else.

i am not worried about my children's development.

there are things that i am aware of,

things that require a little extra attention.

i am confident in my children.

i am confident in their abilities,

and their abilities are not a competition for me.

that's the voice i hope they hear when they are being spoken to

and the voice that others hear when i speak of them.