the best advice

i have this friend.
her name is karen.
i was talking to her today.
i was sharing some of my insecurities.
i was prefacing each one with a phrase about how stupid it was that i felt that way
or how silly it was that such a small thing felt so big.
as the tears started flowing,
and as i shared the last juicy tidbit,
she looked at me with kind eyes,
understanding eyes,
and said "it's not silly to me."
that was all it took.
"it's not silly to me."
that could have been one of the most tender things someone has ever said to me.
perhaps my "silly" things have only been silly to me and not silly to the people who care about me.
i will remember that each time my child (or anyone for that matter) brings something to me.
it's so easy to want to offer advice, solve the problem, or try to prove all the reasons that something "silly" just isn't so.
i'll not start there anymore.
instead i'll share the kind of love and concern that says everything about you is important to me.
thanks, karen, for letting me see that my "silly" things are actually really important things.

being that voice

i wrote this post earlier in the summer.
i decided to not post it then,
but this feeling keeps reoccurring,
so perhaps i need the reminder again.

i am not a perfect mother,

never claimed to be.

just trying to narrow down the qualities as a mother that i would like to possess.

you know, like the things that come above all else

and the kind of things that you will always have confidence in and that your children will never forget.

this quote hit it for me.

i can tend to have an annoying/naggish voice.

i don't love that,

and after reading this quote the 1st time i was certain that i needed to work on that.

what kid wants an annoying mother voice nagging in their brain???

after a series of conversations today i realized that's not what i need to change.

it's not so much how i talk to my children that needs the most change

but for me now it's more  how i talk about my children,

and how i advocate for them.

i want my children to hear that i have confidence in them when they hear me talking to others.

i want them to know that i don't worry unnecessarily about them in common ways that mothers worry about their children.

i don't want my voice to radiate anxiety about their development.

i want them to hear confidence,

surety,

that i know they are who they are and that is enough.

there will be many be occasions i'm sure throughout their lives where i will justifiably need to defend them.

i want that to be where they hear my confidence,

not anger in the defense,

but sheer confidence that they have a mother that believes in them no matter if someone else questions that belief.

i know as mothers we worry about our children.

we want them to be their best and all that they are capable of. 

as i look at each of my children i realize they are already being all they are capable of,

even though it might not look like someone else.

i am not worried about my children's development.

there are things that i am aware of,

things that require a little extra attention.

i am confident in my children.

i am confident in their abilities,

and their abilities are not a competition for me.

that's the voice i hope they hear when they are being spoken to

and the voice that others hear when i speak of them.

i know a boy

i know this boy.
he's a pretty special boy.
sometimes in his quietness
he gets misunderstood or overlooked.
and sometimes this really hurts my heart.
especially because i happen to know what a tender spirit this boy came with.
i've never seen a child think of others more,
especially his siblings,
like this boy does.
he can overcome his shyness to ask the cashier giving away candy at the grocery store if he can have one for his brother,
and he does it EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
he also 'buys' dollars to buy candy,
and then he splits it with his sister because he doesn't want her to feel sad that she doesn't have any.
and he does it EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
he has such a way with younger children.
he can connect with them and take care of them through his gentle play.
but then sometimes it doesn't really hurt my heart
because i know this tenderness, gentleness, and concern for others is a gift that can't easily be taught.
sometimes he cries to be separated from his parents
or doesn't want to play soccer,
or is terrified of going to school.
these are NOT the things that i will let define this boy i know.
i know when he is not 5 anymore those things will change & will no longer be issues,
and he will be left with the special gift that he was lucky enough to just be born with.
that's the gift i will keep fostering during this time,
and that may seem silly to some,
but trust me,
this world needs more people like this boy,
not just more boys that can kick a soccer ball.

the pull

i've taken a long break from this space.
through the summer i didn't feel the pull to it.
we were busy...
remodeling kitchens,
going on trips,
celebrating anniversaries,
and filling our days with all things summer.
now that there is starting to be a hint of fall in the air,
i am feeling a pull.
a pull to come back to writing,
to recording our days,
and just having a place to dump the things that are always swirling in my head.
every time i look back through the archives of this blog i am overwhelmed.
overwhelmed that this is really my life.
and so grateful that i have recorded the things i have.
i don't want another season to pass without a record.
no more children growing with parents forgetting to document what it was like in these most magical years.
plus, now that this is my kitchen i will always have a beautiful place to come for inspiration. :)