re-covered

on november 29, 2009 pete had a cardiac arrest
AND near death experience might i add.
he fell out of bed,
dead body weight,
and he crashed the night stand over.
that's how i knew something was terribly wrong.
he knocked the nightstand so hard against the wall that it chipped some paint off the wall and left green paint scuff marks from the nightstand.
they have been on my wall ever since.
it has been the only physical reminder left in my home of that terrifying night.
i have looked at them often over the 2+ years since.
i have touched them at times, too,
remembering what it sounded like,
oh, it was so loud.
i was certain the lamp was broken.
(it wasn't).
it also has made me remember what he looked like laying face down in that night stand.
chills still haunt me a bit at that image.
i guess you could say that those paint scuffs have meant something.
those paint scuffs have crossed my mind every time we have discussed moving out of this house.
i was afraid to let that last tangible thing go.
well, i'm not afraid anymore.
i just re-covered them a few days ago with a fresh coat of bedford gray paint.
i hesitated right before i rolled over them.
i looked at them closely again.
i even touched them.
and recalled again the exact details of that night.
then i painted over them.
the scuffs were gone just like that.
it was an important sign to me that i must be pretty recovered now.
and i prefer the bedford gray.