time vs. task & a few other things

i sometimes go through relationships doubting if the person even has a clue who i am.

or other times i hope i can act a certain way and that person won't know exactly how i am,

especially if it involves revealing a weakness.

and even in marriage these feelings sometimes happen.

particularly i wonder if pete really knows who i am and how i operate.

i'm reminded on many occasions that he really does know.

and in some instances he sees it even more clearly than i do.

that's one of many reasons why i love being married to him.

and i'm so grateful he hit the nail on the head tonight.

that's where the time vs. task thing comes in.

i am a time person.

everything revolves around what time it is and how long it takes to do something.

if the time i have alloted for a task comes before i've finished my task,

then it's like my brain can't compute.

if i have to spend more time,

then it feels like i've wasted so much time.

even a completed task feels meaningless if it took more time than i had planned.

if you are a mother,

and if you are understanding anything i'm saying about time,

then i'm sure you can relate to how difficult a day can go with 3 children under 5.

my days have been rather frustrating as of late.

pete is a task person.

he starts a task and works on it until it is finished.

sometimes it takes him the whole evening to do one task

(like hanging christmas lights last night.)

i have to admit he sometimes drives me crazy.

i wonder how he can spend the whole evening only doing one thing.

he never cares about how much time it takes him to do something.

he's that way with the children, too,

and i think that's one reason why he is such a great dad.

i silently watch him with the children never being worried about time,

and i watch how at ease the children are when they are with him.

i have envied that,

and i have wanted to be that.

but it does not commute.

in my attempt the last 2 months to model that,

our days have been a disaster.

with a capital D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R!

i felt like there has been no order,

the children don't know what to expect,

and i have felt crazy and out of control.

tonight pete gave me permission to be me.

i guess encouragement is a better way of saying it.

he encouraged me to just be me.

and it was nice to hear that things work well when i'm operating how i'm programmed.

so, i'm going to remember that there's balance in all things,

and that is why pete & i are so good together.

i can't be him,

nor do i need to be.

and i'm pretty certain he would be crazy if he was me.

so, that's why i'm remembering balance in all things.

that's why tomorrow i'm going back to a tighter schedule,

but remembering that time is never wasted.

anything i do in my home and with my children is never wasted,

even if it takes me 10 extra minutes.