dear jenni

growing up i went by the name jenni.

over the last years i've been known by jen or jennifer.

rarely by jenni.

that person almost seems like a stranger to me.

recently i've been thinking a lot about jenni.

i ran across my senior pictures.

seeing that girl brought so many emotions & memories back.

i longed to be jenni again.

i wanted her natural youthful beauty, her humility, her kindness, her softness.

i decided to bring jenni back.

so i colored my hair back to it's natural color.

i have felt like jenni.

at times even haunted by jenni.

i was flooded by jenni's insecurities... all of the insecurities i had not recognized i had left behind with jenni.

it's surprising how a hair color can bring something like that back.

i don't think i want to be jenni anymore.

i don't even know how long i will leave this color.

apparently not many people like the switch.

i can't even get one person to even acknowledge it besides my family.

that must be bad.

maybe it doesn't work anymore.

i need to remember that that was 13 years ago after all.

a lot changes in 13 years.

thank goodness in so many ways.

the one thing that hasn't changed is my ability to get distracted doing something unimportant when important things need to be getting done.

like in this case,

why am i spending time changing my hair when i should be preparing for maggie's baby blessing tomorrow!?

that horrible quality was alive in jenni & still in jen & jennifer.

Jenni 1997 Jennifer 2010

(dont' judge this pic of me too closely; my sis took it

at 11:00 pm after i had been working in the yard all day.

i don't think i really look that old & tired!?)