a little tightly wound

i've been a little tightly wound the last few days.

ok, i'm sorry that i can't play it cool every time i spill a bottle of cooking oil on the floor or when my kids spill ice cream and water all over a freshly mopped kitchen floor.

sometimes those things wind me up.

needless to say my parenting has been suffering.

better yet, i think everything about me has suffered a bit.

but especially my parenting.

sam told me so today.

well, in a round about way he did.

this afternoon sam & will decided to stand outside and ring the doorbell over & over.

i decided to not be such a grouch about it since i had been a grouch most of the day already.

i played along.

i opened the door and invited them in, pretending i didn't know them.

i energetically questioned them about their names, where they were from, & what they liked to do.

they were playing along.

i asked them if their mother knew they were here.

sam's response was this:

"our mother doesn't want us. she thinks we are too wild."

telling, very telling.

i really hope that is not the message i've been sending.

and if it is i hope it's a message they don't carry around.

i know i need to unwind and do it better.

i'm grateful that in one month from today we will be sitting on this picnic blanket at our beach house on the oregon coast.

a month of no commitments & pure relaxation should help.