To spank or not to spank...part 2

For those of you who are not in love with the idea of spanking are going to love this story. When I was in kindergarden-8th grade I went to a small school in Oklahoma. Well, at this school the principal gave swats (or spankings) to kids who had misbehaved. If you were the deserving one, then you were taken into his office and placed your hands on his desk and he paddled you on the bottom with a wooden paddle. Depending on the severity of your crime you could receive anywhere from 1 to 3 swats. Many of you may be thinking that this is the craziest thing you have ever heard. Others may be wondering how I know that routine so well. To much of your surprise I have to admit that I was the recipient of swats on 2 different occasions. This story is hilarious.

I was in the 5th grade; there was a popular group of girls in the 6th grade that I was so desperately trying to be friends with; Cristy Jones and Miranda Baxter were the ring leaders. In retrospect I wonder why I wanted to be their friend so bad. For those of you who knew them understand why. Anyways, one of them brought this risque Christmas card to school. They wanted to make copies to distribute. They knew someone would be stupid enough to use the school copier to make copies, and I happened to be that willing stupid one that made the copies. I snuck into the copy room closet during recess, shut the door, and made copies with Naomi Thomas. I remember shaking so bad I hardly could work the copier; I knew I shouldn't be doing it. I'm sure we have all had stages where you would do anything to be cool; this was my moment. I made 10 copies and immediately started to distribute the cards. Of course I got caught. I was pulled out of P.E. and sent to the principal's office. This was an act that earned me 2 swats. I'm still not sure if I got swats because the card said "damn" and "ass", or if it was because I wasn't supposed to use the copy machine. Who really knows! I was shocked and terrified! What freaked me out the most was the fact that I thought this would go on my "school record". I was certain I wouldn't have a fighting chance to get into BYU because of this! I took my swats though and never used the copy machine again.

Well, my grandma found one of the original copies of the card a few days ago and sent it to me in the mail. I haven't been able to stop laughing my head off! If that's as bad as my kids ever do I will be thrilled! Enjoy the card. Watch your mail this Christmas season. If you are all lucky you will receive your own copy. I will just be smart enough to make the copies at Kinkos and avoid the swats!!


(Money is scarce Times are hard... Here's your damned old Christmas Card)

(I'm writing this not to remind yea! That inflation has taken away the things I held most essential. My workshop, my reindeer, my sleigh. Now I'm making my rounds on a donkey. He's old, he's crippled, he's slow. So if I don't see you on Christmas, You'll know I'm out on my ass in the snow!!)