Vanderlinden Clan

not just another friend

2012-01-27T21:28:00.000-08:00

i've needed a friend lately,
and just at the exact same time i needed it
i got an email from a friend saying how much she appreciates my friendship.
and then the next day 2 of my other closest friends met me for lunch
and we talked & listened for at least 2 hours.
it was the kind of 2 hours that felt like 2 minutes,
and the conversation was the kind that could've gone on for 2 more hours.
then a short time later my sister showed up at my house and stayed for her usual chat.
by the end of all this i have been happily reminded how important the friendships i have are to me,
and a reminder to do my part to be that kind of friend.

larger than life

2012-01-25T06:15:00.000-08:00

our little maggie is something else.
she has a personality that is truly larger than life.
the world is just like a playground for her,
and she's happy playing on every square inch of it.
i recently started a mom & tots dance class with her.
saying she loves it would be an understatement.
all you have to do is say the word 'dance',
and she is breaking it down.
she has confidence that i dream of
and the kind of ownership of her life that i hope will last forever.

where dreams come true

2012-01-24T05:57:00.000-08:00

if i must admit,
i have been worried that sam & will would never like each other.
since will's birth there has been so much competition between them
and not exactly what i would have called brotherly love.
i have struggled with this
and many times have felt that sibling friendship would never come for these two.
however, they have recently turned over a new leaf in their relationship.
they are actually playing TOGETHER,
and more importantly dreaming together.
a few weeks ago they shared with me their plan to buy a house together.
they plan on living right next door to pete & me.
they will have their own rules though,
which includes eating as many snacks as they want.
they made it clear that pete & i can come over whenever we want,
we don't even have to ask first.
we were recently picking up some paint at home depot.
they were busy in the disney paint section.
they brought me bright paint samples and informed me these were the colors they were going to be painting in their house together.
i was more than DE-LIGHTED!
it reminded me of being a pre-teen,
riding around an upscale oklahoma city neighborhood
and planning with my sisters about buying a mansion together and living in separate wings with our families after we were married.
we are still planning a "walker homestead" where we all live on the same plot of land,
just in separate houses.
we plan these dreams because we care about each other so much that we don't ever want to have to live without each other.
i hope that by sam & will planning their own house together
they are secretly saying they love each other so much, too, that they never want to be apart.

through my child's lens

2012-01-23T05:53:00.000-08:00

maggie's lens

fast forward

2012-01-22T17:53:00.000-08:00

i'll just pretend that i've recorded something about the past month,
but since i haven't really,
then i will just fast forward to now.
we are always busy over here,
always dreaming up something.
one of the most delightful things going on around here are sam & will's dance performances.
they are constantly busting a move and rounding up an audience to watch.
on this particular night....
they turned off all the lights,
fired up some music,
and requested pete shake a flashlight at them for a strobe light effect.
they took an intermission to prepare for their final performance.
20 minutes later they unlocked themselves from the bathroom,
fully shaven,
arms & legs scrubbed with soap,
brushed teeth,
and totally doused in cologne.
let's just say that finale was something to remember.

day 16 eli the elf

2011-12-16T21:22:00.000-08:00

this was certainly a day worth remembering.

we found eli buckled in the backseat of our van this morning,

complete with a backpack & a plastic suit.

the backpack was because he was going to school with sam,

and the plastic suit was so that we could touch him without him losing his magic.

you see, sam performed in the nutcracker at his school today,

and eli wanted to go.

apparently the elves do a performance themselves while at the north pole,

hey, that's at least what he said.

he had a wonderful time,

and sam did a lovely job,

especially when they did the color red.

maggie and will were delighted to have an extra audience member with them,

and i was quite impressed with this little elves' clever attempt to come more alive to my children.

he's pretty committed, i tell ya.

day 14 eli the elf

2011-12-14T20:34:00.000-08:00

eli out did himself today.
perhaps this was one of my favorite days.
we found him hanging from the kitchen light fixture,
examining snowflakes through his microscope,
and he left the snowflake bentley book,
which just so happened to be EXCELLENT!
it's about wilson bentley,
the first person to photograph snowflakes.
so interesting and entertaining.
we read it over and over today.
then we spent our time making snowflakes to mimic the ones eli brought.
he may or may not have printed them from this place.
there were a few tears shed when trying to stick to the exactness of the template,
so we bagged the templates and made our own.
the boys did it for at least an hour.
they just couldn't believe that they couldn't make 2 snowflakes look the same.
we even had a stranger stop by to buy some stuff we were selling.
both boys felt inclined to send him with 2 snowflakes.
i will never tire of watching my boys so engaged with a project,
or of admiring their uniqueness in the way they do things.
i appreciate them and love them,
and something about this activity really brought that home to me.

day 13 eli the elf

2011-12-13T20:12:00.000-08:00

we found eli in the game closet today.
he knows we love playing games,
and he is scoping out what we already have
and sending suggestions for a new Christmas game back to the north pole.
our assignment today was to play a family game.
it provided a perfect time to make these scrabble pieces that i've been wanting to make.
there wasn't too much game playing with them,
but we sure had fun making & eating them.
we all discovered how much we love gingerbread,
and the dough is just as good as the cookies. :)
and the 1-inch squares are perfect for dipping in milk when you need a break from doing homework.

day 12 eli the elf

2011-12-12T20:26:00.000-08:00

eli loves sweet treats,
and he was so happy we made sugar cookies last night.
he was disappointed that they weren't iced and decorated.
he spent his night decorating a few,
and our assignment today was to finish them up and deliver them to our cousins.
the kids put their best effort into this assignment.
maggie LOVED covering her high chair tray with red sprinkles.
sam tried his best to decorate accurately,
but then he became more interested in eating the candy circles.
will put the most effort into it.
each cookie had about 1 inch of icing and about 1 inch of sprinkles.
he loves the sweet stuff,
and i'm glad he got to share them with some of his favorite people.

through my child's lens

2011-12-12T06:54:00.000-08:00

sam's lens

day 11 eli the elf

2011-12-11T20:24:00.000-08:00

eli didn't make an appearance today.
maybe the orchestrator forgot??
i mean, maggie took too much magic yesterday.
he was working on building his supply back up,
so we just left him alone today.

day 10 eli the elf

2011-12-10T20:09:00.000-08:00

another day in the snow for eli.
he didn't move from his spot today because we didn't complete his assignment of making snow yesterday.
he decided to spend the night making marshmellow snowmen in his sugary pile of snow.
the kids were so curious about his "snow" that he was sitting in;
they kept encouraging me to taste,
but i refused.
they finally got brave enough and discovered it was sugar.
then they couldn't keep their hands out of it.
even maggie.
she got carried away and decided to take eli out of the snow.
she carried it across the house to me.
the boys were totally panicked!
i grabbed eli by his string and placed him out of reach on the christmas tree.
we knew he lost a lot of magic with that episode.
the boys were frantic he would not come back.
we worked hard to keep him and untouched,
and we definitely made sure we completed his request.
boy, am i glad we did!
that snow was awesome!
i don't know if i was more impressed or the children.
if your elf hasn't delivered snow in seconds perhaps you should try to find some.
we enjoyed fulfilling this request,
and now we are nervously waiting to see if maggie stole too much magic for him to return again.

day 9 eli the elf

2011-12-09T18:43:00.000-08:00

eli is ready for snow.

we found him doing snow angels in a pile of white stuff this morning.

his note informed us that he is getting a little homesick and missing the snow from the north pole.

he wants to build snowmen, have snowball fights, and do real snow angels.

he left us a package of snow in seconds.

he wants snow,

and he wants us to figure out how to make it.

i must admit we are a little ready for snow around here, too.

day 8 eli the elf

2011-12-08T23:43:00.000-08:00

eli caught the stomach flu.
we found him in the medicine cabinet loading up on meds this morning.
the virus surely came from sam.
sam's on day 2 of missed school with throwing up,
so he wished us a day of resting & relaxing.
i guess the boys got that playing while i worked all day.
now i'm the one needing the resting & relaxing!
perhaps that's the request he will bring tomorrow.
one can hope, right?

day 7 eli the elf

2011-12-07T23:32:00.000-08:00

today worked out great for eli.
i was certain he would never be found tucked away in sam's stuffed animal net.
due to a series of unordinary events he was found rather quickly.
sam got into our bed last night because he was having a dream that pete was trying to blow up our house.
will got in sam's bed this morning in an attempt to trick us.
while he was laying there he spied eli all tucked into the animal pile.
eli was thrilled to find the animals and knew how much the boys love animals,
so he delivered tickets for a night at the zoo to see the zoo lights.
unfortunately it was freezing cold, sam was sick, and the tickets expired today,
but we loaded up anyways to make an appearance.
it was cold as expected.
freezing cold.
sam was still sick.
the lights were cool,
but the real treat was the free refill hot chocolate mug we bought.
we all shared,
so we will probably all be sick.
all in all, a fun time.
thanks, eli!

will proud that he finally found the elf

day 6 eli the elf

2011-12-06T20:20:00.000-08:00

we found eli in the box of christmas books this morning.
he was enjoying them so much he decided to send a request in for another.
thankfully amazon, i mean santa, was delivering the i spy christmas book today.
we have been laying under the christmas tree spying things all day.

day 5 eli the elf

2011-12-05T22:27:00.000-08:00

we found our elf in the shower this morning.
he has been trying to figure this bath thing out since he has been here.
apparently they don't do baths in the north pole.
he was enjoying the bath so much he left us a christmas shower curtain to enjoy.
the cutest part of all about today's find was maggie.
she wondered into the bathroom this morning and noticed the new curtain and began ooohhhing and aaaawwwing.
she ran for us right away and was thrilled to show us her new find.
she couldn't keep her hands off those cute reindeer.
fun for all.

through my child's lens

2011-12-05T05:30:00.000-08:00

will's self-portrait lens

day 4 eli the elf

2011-12-04T18:37:00.000-08:00

the kids found eli the elf staring into our manager scene this morning.
he came with the important reminder that christmas is more than just the fun things,
but the main purpose is to celebrate a little baby's birth from many years ago.
Eli wanted to share the story of Christmas with us through the movie The Story of Christmas.
i don't know how that sneaky elf knows about netflix!
however, we were too busy cleaning up the trees in our neighborhood & having dinner with friends that we missed the movie.
it's in our queue ready & waiting.

day 3 eli the elf

2011-12-03T18:57:00.000-08:00

our elf got hungry during the night.

he decided to use some of his magic and some of the ingredients we had on hand and whip up these tasty vanilla pretzel santa hats.

he said they were his favorite,

and they were pretty tasty i might add.

his message to us today was to clean up the mess he made in the night

and then make a batch of these tasty treats to share with a friend.

perfect timing,

we were spending the evening with friends.

will and maggie slept through the making of this creation,

but they sure enjoyed eating them.

who knows where he will end up tonight.

the boys surely can't wait to wake each morning and find him.

day 2 eli the elf

2011-12-02T23:16:00.000-08:00

we had a horrible wind storm yesterday.
it knocked our power out,
so we stayed over night at pete's mom's house.
we worried about eli and if he was going to be ok,
much less be able to move around.
he surprised us.
when we returned home this morning we were surprised.
the fireplace doors were open,
the parachute on the floor,
and eli was missing.
it took a minimum of 5 minutes for my boys to find him.
we combed the whole house.
sam found him in the christmas tree.
he got all tangled in the lights while trying to the eat the dried apple & dried orange ornaments.
he took a bite out of an apple ornament even!
the boys could not figure out how he got over there.
will was explaining his theory with lots of hand movements.
he accidentally touched the elf,
and sam panicked.
poor will.
it was such an accident,
but he immediately started to cry.
he was so worried that eli was going to leave.
we got that worked out with the explanation that he doesn't lose much magic with a one time accidental touch.
whew!
he had 2 messages today.
1. he had observed how much the kids like being with their mom all day and how good they were at cleaning up when she asked. he sent santa the message that a kid-sized broom and vacuum would be fitting gift ideas for these kids. the boys chuckled and thought it would be a good idea. hmmm.
2. since eli loved hanging out in the tree so much he wanted the kids to have a tree in their room, so the activity of the day was decorating small ones for their room. we accomplished that.
can't wait to see where the little guy ends up tomorrow.

welcome eli the elf

2011-12-01T22:40:00.000-08:00

we had a visitor arrive in our home today.
he arrived by parachute down our chimney,
and got a little stuck as he was trying to get in.
he's small,
doesn't say much,
and looks like he could have come from the north pole.
thank goodness he came bearing a note.
he introduced himself as eli the elf.
he informed us that he has come to observe our family,
learn all about our likes
and see the things we own,
so he can help santa make the most suitable gift for our family.
he will explore our homes every night,
and we must find him the next day and read his note.
the tricky part is that we can't touch him.
if we do he loses his magic and must return to the north pole.
thankfully we haven't touched him yet.
the letter that he brings every day contains a christmas activity for us to do that day.
if we do it he brings us another one the next day.
our activity today was to write in our family christmas journal about what makes christmas special to us,
what we like to do at christmastime,
and what we like to eat at christmas.
he has created so much excitement around here.
while this is not our usual type of christmas activity,
i think it is exactly what we needed this year,
and i hope eli finds his way back here each year,
and perhaps he will help create fond memories for my children to take to their own homes.
welcome, eli the elf.

through my child's lens

2011-11-28T05:00:00.000-08:00

will's lens

we will never forget

2011-11-27T07:43:00.000-08:00

i wasn't afraid to go to sleep last night.
i wasn't worried that pete wouldn't wake up this morning.
i still remember every detail of pete's cardiac arrest 2 years ago,
and i recall those details often,
luckily without the fear & anxiety that accompanied those memories before.
i'm certain not a thanksgiving weekend will pass without much reflection on the events of 2009,
how immensely our family was blessed,
and where we have come because that whole experience.
last year i was certain that it would always be so easy to celebrate and shower pete with my gratitude.
that is how the whole first year was spent,
i was grateful for every breath he took,
and i would find a way to let him know how grateful i was to have him here and breathing.
with the healing of our traumatic event,
and with the normalcy of life so perfectly restored,
i'm ashamed to admit that the intensity of living somehow has gotten overlooked.
in so many ways it feels like it never happened,
so there's not the memory or the drive to show pete everyday how lucky and happy we are that he is still here.
but it did happen.
and he is still here.
and in my quiet moments i am oh so grateful for that.
but this year i don't want to wait for my quiet moments to feel gratitude.
i want to find ways everyday to thank him for being here,
to show him how he still lights up our life,
and how much we appreciate all he does with his life,
especially right here in our family.
so, here's to another year of celebrating,
and never forgetting,
and maybe using an occasional exclamation mark to show him. :)

through my child's lens

2011-11-21T05:59:00.000-08:00

sam's lens

friday book review: the sibling effect

2011-11-18T20:31:00.000-08:00

The Sibling Effect: What the Bonds Among Brothers and Sisters Reveal About Us
Jeffrey Kluger

"The universe of human relationships is an impossibly varied one. Wives have their husbands; children have their parents; lovers their partners; friends have one another. There are cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents, schoolmates and colleagues and rivals and peers. Every one of those relationships plays out under its own set of rules and rituals, each unique, each elaborate. For all that richness and complexity, however, there may be no relationships that can run quite as deep or survive quite as long as those among siblings. You know it if you grew up with one. You know it if you are raising some. You know it if you've merely watched a group of them interact.
From the time we're born, our brothers and sisters are our collaborators and co-conspirators, our role models and our cautionary tales. They are our scolds, protectors, goads, tormentors, playmates, counselors, sources of envy, objects of pride. They help us learn how to resolve conflicts and how not to; how to conduct friendships and when to walk away from them. Bigger sibs learn to nurture by mentoring little ones; little sibs learn wisdom by heeding the older ones. Our spouses and children arrive comparatively late in our lives; our parents leave us too early. Our brothers and sisters are with us for the whole journey."

for those of you who know me well know that my sibling relationships are at the top of my list for relationships nearest and dearest to my heart,
so it's no surprise that we separately selected this book for this month's sibling book club selection.
the above passage and many others in this book have resonated with me,
they have touched my heart deeply,
and made me grateful all over again for the siblings i have.
they know me inside and out;
there's never a need for explaining to them;
they just "get it",
and i am so fortunate for the journey we have already been on together
and fortunate for knowing & hoping that they will be on the whole journey.

i think often about my children who have siblings.
i'm afraid i've meddled too much in their unique relationships,
just trying to make it special for them from the beginning,
exactly how it has been for me.
plus, i've known the potential of sibling relationships,
and i have wanted to re-live it all over again with them.
this book has reminded me that i had my chance;
i will never be apart of their sibling clan.
i am the mother,
and that is oh so very different than the sister!
i've began to accept that i won't be apart of their sibling secrets, games, inside jokes, support, or mischief,
nor is it my place.
instead i will continue to bask in what i have
and rejoice in watching my children establish their own strong sibling bonds,
in their own way.
what a privilege it is to see those bonds forming already!
i love to see maggie run to her brothers 1st thing in the morning with wide arms & slobbery kisses,
and i love to see how happy they are to receive her.
i love to hear both sam & will telling their playmate friends at separate occasions about how cute & sweet their sister is.
i love to watch sam & will get a game going,
making up their own rules,
and compromising with each other.
and i'm even starting to not mind the fighting
because i'm catching glimpses of their compassion for each other as they practice conflict resolution.
i'm beginning to see the noise and the wrestling, and the silliness as relationship building,
and i look forward to the day when they can look back and know how lucky they are to have had each other.

someone got a haircut

2011-11-17T06:06:00.000-08:00

maggie's hair has grown to be such a reflection of her personality.
the back has these wild curls just like her dad.
she, or i guess i should really say i, have given up on having a bow or accessory in it.
she will touch it within the 1st few seconds, ooh & aahh, and pull it out,
so i've been glad she has curls to distract.
however, they have been a little scraggly and out of control.
so, what's a hairstylist mom to do?
well, trim them of course.
no surprise that mag loved getting her haircut.
she sat so big in the chair
and definitely loved watching herself.
in an instant those curls went from mangey to manageable.

happy halloween....

2011-11-16T22:56:00.000-08:00

our halloween was full of candy, parties, and trips to fright mares.
too good to not document.
not to mention too cute...
especially will as flopsy from peter rabbit.
(all his choice. he didn't want to be peter rabbit because he is naughty. he was insistent that his jacket not be blue like peter but red like flopsy. i made that dream come true.)
sam made a terrific ninja.
he originally wanted to be a shark attack victim with a bloody missing arm.
i'm not sure where the idea came from or why he changed his mind.
maggie made a sweet witch,
a good wish of course.

through my child's lens

2011-11-14T05:54:00.000-08:00

will's lens

because i'd rather laugh than cry

2011-11-07T12:00:00.000-08:00

this is how i feel on many days,

especially today.

this morning before school sam retrieved me from blow drying my hair.

he said i have to come see something that was totally awesome.

to my surprise i walked into the kitchen to see that the boys had emptied the garbage cans all over the kitchen floor.

what's a mom to do!!!

rest assured,

i didn't clean it up.

shortly after, i attempted to clean up the breakfast mess,
only to find that will & maggie had dumped every blanket we own in maggie's floor to make a blanket city.
that one i did clean up.
THEN i thought i would put some laundry away,
mind you my laundry was just 1/5 of what i was putting away.
i stopped with the boys laundry because apparently they thought it sounded like a good idea to unscrew the knobs off the dresser.
i've stopped my jobs at this point.
i think either way it doesn't matter.
there will always be more jobs waiting.

shock to the system

2011-10-26T21:28:00.000-07:00

we have been home from our mini indiana vacation for 60 hours,
and it has been, well, um, interesting,
even a bit shocking.
i've been shocked about what an adjustment it has been for everyone.
i have been surprised by how maggie has hardly wanted a thing to do with me.
she screamed & cried as we took her away from grandma jane.
mag will hardly even look at me!
that has been a shock.
also shocking that will is so happy to be home;
he is my child that i would have expected to want to stay gone forever.
and sam surprised me by how many hugs he has saved up for me.
the only problem with this is he is so strong he about knocks me over every time.
what is even more shocking than my children's reactions to our return is how out of step i am.
i seemed to breeze through the days with perkiness & purpose.
i could take the mishaps in stride.
oh boy!
i'm still trying to figure out how to not blow a gasket when maggie unscrews the lid off chocolate milk and spills it everywhere,
including all over her fresh, new outfit.
or how she shakes & messes up sam's school glitter birthday poster that i got up at 6:30 to make.
or how she poops her pants just when it is time to leave for school.
and i haven't even mentioned the constant cleaning to still have a messy house.
or the laundry!
hello laundry!
or the late late nights working on halloween costumes.
and the 25 minute hysterical crying power struggles in front of the fabric store,
and pretty much just the full time commitment.
the food,
the finances,
the planning,
the work.
the time.
i have been shocked by how quickly you can lose the rhythm of life
but confident we will get back it.
hopefully sooner than later.

international is the key word

2011-10-24T06:53:00.000-07:00

when you are trying to navigate your husband to the airport in a new city at 5:00 am,
try to remember you are going to the International airport,
not the Municipal airport
because you might almost miss your flight.
or at least get to the gate while they are boarding.
i'm just saying that i'm glad we left early enough to have a buffer.
we are almost home,
without the delay of having to take a new flight.

at the end

2011-10-23T19:40:00.000-07:00

at the end of this trip i have realized many things.
i have realized that....
pete & i would a love a trip away once a year,
i enjoy being with pete & feel like i could be around him all the time,
i enjoy eating dinner at 7:30,
& exercising at 9 pm,
going to bed at midnight & waking up at 8:30.
i have realized how much i adore roadside antique stands over antique malls.
i enjoy getting in and out of the car without carseats & coaxing.
it's nice to go in a store without supervising 6 little hands.
i like being able to read a book without being interrupted every 4 sentences,
and i like not having to spend a large chunk of time in the hotel pool.
i have also realized that i wouldn't want this lifestyle all the time.
i choose my kids,
and i choose being a mom,
even over the freedom.
i have realized that i love many things about where i live.
i love my neighbors,
i love having my family so close and all the benefits that brings.
i love my job,
and i love the seasons.
and the snow.
i love the distance we are from sam's school,
and i have realized how important the chinese immersion program is for my children.
i love the mountains,
and i realize how much inspiration that a part of me finds there to be the kind of person i want to be.
i love the access to almost anything you could want.
i have also realized that my dream house is a white 2-story farmhouse,
with acreage, a barn, stream, and forest all in your backyard,
and i prefer the midwest pricetag that would allow you to get that for $235000.
i have realized how badly i want cats, chickens, bees, and a pumpkin farm.
i have realized how much a part of my heart craves this simple life,
and i have realized what a bind i am in to ever have to decide which life i want the most.
i have realized how lucky i am to be able to choose,
how lucky we are to carve out our own destiny.
and i have realized how lucky i am to have a husband who would so perfectly know that this is exactly the kind of trip i like taking.
i have realized all the reasons i am so lucky.

first 24 hours

2011-10-20T19:17:00.000-07:00

pete & i have taken off to indiana for a vacation,
just the 2 of us.
we have had many laughs,
to name a few...

*when we arrived last night at 11:30 i called our hotel to let them know we just landed only to be informed that they overbooked and they booted us out. they booked another room for us over an hour away from where we were supposed to be staying. the tab was on them, but needless to say by 1:30 am many firm phone calls later we wouldn't have cared if we had to pay double for a room close to things where we wanted to stay. it was easier to laugh about it once we were checked into our original room today.

*we spent some time at a really cool mall downtown indianapolis. it sprawls throughout the downtown and is connected with a tunnel system. it was full of 1000s of high school ffa students. they are here for a convention. they all had on their jackets with their state on the back. we found it odd that we didn't see anyone from utah. during our stroll pete spotted a cute clothing boutique and said that looked like my style of store and suggested we go in. and guess who else was in there? the utah ffa girls! that was the only place we saw utah ffa people. does that say something about me?

*pete wanted to go in banana republic. we both love clothes from there for him, but we don't agree on style. however, i'm always suggesting outfits to him. today i suggested an outfit with khaki pants, plaid shirt, sweater jacket, and tie. i asked pete if he liked it, and he said no. he said he would have to be an english teacher in connecticut. does that say something about me?

we have done more than just laugh about silly things.
we spent some time at the indianapolis motor speedway.
it was rather fascinating...
and cold,
with rain,
and no coat.

we also shopped for lunch at an amish market.
we enjoyed a random smorgasbord of goodies...
pretzel bread, peanut butter spread, hot pepper cheese, sarsaparilla, and, um, pickled okra.

dinner was a different experience.
we went to bub's,
a carmel hamburger shop.
adam richmond from man vs. food did a challenge there.
pete took part in the challenge tonight
and was successful.
go, pete!
it was also fun to eat dinner @ 7:30 pm and sit for 25 minutes to wait for a table with no distractions.
miss you, kids!

sister craft day

2011-10-11T21:32:00.000-07:00

my favorite project of the month

my sister & i get together every monday for a day of crafting, talking, eating, & problem solving,
but mostly crafting.
we devote the whole school day,
and i. love. every. second. of. it!
perhaps it is my favorite day of the week.
the only thing missing from regular sister craft day is the youngest sister.
boo. :(

talk about the old days!!!

through my child's lens

2011-10-10T21:51:00.000-07:00

sam's lens

vanderlinden cafe

2011-10-06T21:35:00.000-07:00

do you ever make food that you love so much that you want to literally drink every last drop?
from time to time i do,
and there have been several of those nights this week,
particularly tonight.
it was cold here today,
so i made my 1st pot of soup of the season.
even will loved it.
he said the prayer,
and he said...
"thank you that we could have food that smells so good and be healthy for our body."
not only does it smell good and be somewhat healthy for your body,
it is downright tasty.
if you don't mind "drinking" soup all night,
every time you walk through the kitchen,
then you must make this soup.

rumbi's tortilla soup
(from Domestic Art vol. 2 cookbook)

1 tbsp. olive oil
1/2 c. white onions
1 tsp. chopped garlic
1 tsp. diced jalapeños
8 c. chicken broth
1 can coconut milk
2 c. julienne carrots
1 tsp. brown sugar
1 c. diced tomatoes
1/2 c. diced red onions
1 tsp. salt
3 pre-roasted chicken thighs (i added this to give it more substance); could use a rotisserie chicken, too

garnish:
mozzarella cheese
tortilla strips or chips crumbled
lime wedge (do NOT leave out!)

pre-heat oven to 425. rub olive oil on thighs and then season with curry powder, salt, & italian seasoning. roast chicken in oven for 45 minutes. meanwhile, combine oil, onions, garlic, an jalapeno in soup pot. sauté for 2 minutes. add remaining ingredients, including shredded chicken; bring to a medium simmer for 5 minutes or until carrots are a little tender. pour soup into individual bowls, tip with corn strips and cheese. squeeze lime over top.

enjoy!
and try to not drink it.
i guess that's kind of weird,
even if it is tasty!

public announcement

2011-10-05T17:58:00.000-07:00

will passed on some very important news to me today.
he informed me that he no longer wants to be called will.
he now wants to be called black widow.
so, if you see him on the street,
just remember,
address him as black widow.
thank you very much.

all these things shall give you experience

2011-10-04T20:22:00.000-07:00

today was a perfect day.
just exactly like the days i dream of...
a perfectly executed list,
no time wasted,
everyone happy & clean,
calm & peaceful home that was full of quality time,
meals that tasted like we were eating in a restaurant,
projects that i wanted to do while the kids were cooperative.
you get the point.
if i didn't know better,
i would have ventured to say that i've got the hang of this life thing.
the second that thought crept into my mind,
i showed it out with a laugh & a memory.
when sam was 6-9 months i was with him in his pediatricians office for a wellness check.
i made a comment that will live with me for so many reasons.
i said that i didn't know what the big deal was.
i thought being a mom (to an only child under 1!) wasn't hard,
and i was trying to figure out what the deal was for other moms.
i'm so grateful my dr. chastised me.
he warned me to watch myself
and just wait.
he also advised that i never say that to other mothers.
i feel like it's ok if i say it now because i am not the same young, inexperienced mom i was then.
2 more kids later and much more living later life,
i shudder at my naivety.
i have learned that being a mother is hard work,
and many days are nothing more than one continuous disaster.
to-do lists have to go out the window most days in order to accommodate the natural demands of young children,
and even on good days it doesn't mean that they have come easily.
if i've learned anything as a mother it is to savor days like this,
welcome them,
and bottle them up for days that are far less desired.
and DON'T think for a second you've got it figured it out
because tomorrow will surely prove you wrong,
and if it's not tomorrow the day will surely come where it will.
i know the storms will rage and fierce winds will come,
days will be blackened,
and all elements will hedge up against you at times during all seasons of motherhood,
but i also know that all of these things will give experience and be for your good.
it will give enough experience to know that days like today are few and far between sometimes,
and experience tells me to savor it.

one of those days + some humor

2011-09-29T11:20:00.000-07:00

when i woke up i could tell it was going to be 'one of those days'.
i felt frumpy & dated,
not a good thing for a work day.
as soon as will woke up he started crying about not wanting to go to school,
the 3rd day in a row.
the van didn't start when it was time to leave to take sam to school,
(despite the new $100 battery).
at least having the neighborhood powwow at my van got will distracted.
he stopped crying for the 1st time since he woke up.
after we got the van started this conversation took place:

me to will: "well, now our problems are solved. the van is fixed."

will to me: "it didn't solve my problems. i still hate school."

and he was right.
it didn't solve his problems,

but it sure made me laugh.

blast from the past

2011-09-27T10:33:00.000-07:00

i write on my blog because i can look back on little gems like this,
and my children can continue to warm my heart over and over.

the best of intentions

2011-09-25T18:32:00.000-07:00

a few weeks ago a very good friend told me she stopped reading my blog awhile ago.
she said it made her feel like a bad mother.
i've been thinking about her comment ever since.
first of all, i'm still trying to figure out what on earth she is talking about!
second of all, i've been wondering why we do this to ourselves.
why we are constantly comparing ourselves to others in our same lot.
(me included!)
and that is why i decided to write this post....
to remind us that we mothers should really be in this journey of motherhood together,
to stop comparing our children and our efforts to every other mother around us.
there really is no perfect mother,
and on many days i find myself wondering if i was really cut out for this.
the truth of the matter is that i have more days than i would like to count where i don't feel like being a mom that day,
especially saturdays,
that's the day my mother brain checks out,
almost every week.
i have days where getting on the floor and playing with my kids is the last thing i want to do.
i say things to my children that i regret,
and i don't like them around when i'm sewing anymore,
and i yell at them when they are pulling my thread out,
and i yell at them for other things, too.
i've even been known to tell them that they are "driving me crazy!" or "killing me!",
and i would skip sundays all together.
many weeks i'm so bad at doing laundry that sam already knows to go look in the dryer when he is out of clean socks in hopes that there are some unfolded in there.
my house is much messier than i would like for it to be,
and i don't always take the mess in stride.
especially when my house smells like rotten food or kid pee.
i worry constantly if i'm loving my kids enough,
or if i am capable to teach them how to love themselves and overcome their insecurities.
so often i feel unprepared to be the kind of mother that i want to be;
many days i feel like i'm faking my way through this daunting task of motherhood.
i have a natural tendency to remember the negative things,
but that is not how i want to be,
and it's not how i want to remember these precious days with my little ones.
so, i write honestly on this blog about the good moments with my children because that is what i want to have in the end.
and i've always hoped that in sharing my experiences that other moms would see the bright side of their days, too.
that in some small way we could feel like we really are all in this together,
without judgement or criticism.
so, i'm sorry if i've done the opposite to any other readers.
it has never been my intention.
we are all just doing the best we can,
and that should be enough.

oh, in case you are still reading from time to time,
i still love you CM!
your comment didn't hurt my feelings.
it just made me think. :)

finally!

2011-09-22T05:48:00.000-07:00

sam finally got a girlfriend today.
it was his 1st school report when he got in the car.
he said he didn't know her name yet,
but he chased her at recess trying to get her to play spy with him.
he never caught her;
she never stopped running from him.
he said she is beautiful,
(which she really is),
and she wears pink tom shoes like his sister.
and there you have it...
sam finally has a girlfriend.

friday book review: the mixed up chameleon

2011-09-16T06:31:00.000-07:00

the mixed up chameleon

by eric carla

phase out

2011-09-15T21:22:00.000-07:00

i work on thursdays.
i have for many years,
and almost 6 years with children.
in 2005 my sister started watching sam,
and then in 2007 she added will,
and in 2010 i sent maggie, too.
as i was driving maggie and will there this morning,
it dawned on me how long this routine has been happening
and all of the changes that have taken place during this span.
particularly how sam & emi bonded from the beginning,
how the kid count went from 2 to 4 in a matter of a few weeks,
and how maggie made 5 kids to be watched at once,
how will finally stopped hitting mack & became friends who can play all day,
how many replay conversations my sister & i have had about the days,
what they ate,
how they napped,
and how they played.
i think one of the biggest changes so far is happening right now.
sam & emi are both in school,
mack is in preschool on thursdays,
so that just leaves maggie & will.
projecting to less than a year from now,
everyone will be in school except for maggie.
she will be the only one.
the era of auntie babysitting is phasing out.
this has been my 1st evidence of how quickly my children pass through phases,
how things will always change and end even when it becomes so normal that you think it will last forever.
just like auntie babysitting on thursdays.
there's no doubt about my level of appreciation for my sister.
she has been just like a 2nd mother.
she has selflessly taken care of my children just like they were her own.
i know how exhausting her days must have been watching 5 kids under the age of 4,
or how old it must have gotten cleaning up the hurricane messes,
and i don't even want to know how many things my kids have broken!
she has been the one who has provided a place for cousin relationships to blossom into lifelong friendships.
i love her,
my children love,
and i hope that in some way she will know how indebted i feel to her.
thank you for allowing us to all pass through this phase together
and for giving us many stories to talk about in all the years to come. :)

want not, waste not

2011-09-14T00:31:00.000-07:00

let me just start by saying how annoyed i can be about spending money on food,
especially on food that is loaded with all things artificial.
i try to buy really good food as long as i can stretch my dollar.
because i am so annoyed by that,
you can only imagine how annoyed i am when i see the good food go in the garbage or left to rot in the fridge.
let's just say really annoyed.
i'm not the first who has ideas on how to preserve food so it doesn't waste,
but at times it feels new in our home.
i just couldn't bear to throw away another banana,
especially knowing that a banana plant only produces 1 bunch of bananas over its lifetime.
it just doesn't seem very considerate,
not to mention a waste of my resources.
blah, blah, blah....
the point is we have been making some pretty rockin' popsicles at our house,
and they are not loaded with artificial sweeteners, coloring, high fructose corn syrup, etc.
instead it's like eating a frozen smoothie.
the varieties we have made this week are...

*chocolate banana peanut butter
1 1/2 c. whole milk
1 1/2 ripe bananas
2 tbsp. peanut butter
ovaltine (enough to make it taste so chocolatey that it tastes like melted ice cream; you get the point. chocolatier than you would drink.)

blend all ingredients until smooth and then pour into popsicle molds. freeze until hard.

(this is a pete original; he's fantastic at little inventions in the kitchen.)

*blueberry swirl ice pops
1 c. fresh blueberries
3/4 c. sugar
1 c. plain yogurt
1 c. heavy cream (i used whole milk)

in small saucepan, bring blueberries & 1/4 c. sugar to boil over high heat. reduce heat and simmer, crushing berries against side of pan, until mixture is syrupy, 3 minutes. transfer to small bowl and refrigerate until cool.
in a medium bowl, whisk together 1/2 c. sugar, yogurt, and cream until sugar dissolves, about 2 minutes. pour yogurt and blueberry mixtures, alternating them, into molds. with a skewer swirl mixtures together . insert ice-pop sticks and freeze until solid

(this is a recipe from martha stewart everyday food magazine)

summer vacation

2011-09-13T00:59:00.000-07:00

it was around this time 2 years ago that we planned our first summer get away to the oregon coast for a month.
what a wonderful time!
so wonderful we have decided we will continue to enjoy summer vacations like this as long as possible,
so the planning has begun for next summer.
our main trip will be spent somewhere along the northern coast of california.
hopefully in this place...

with this front yard view...

a few other must go places on the list are this one....

and this one...

(can you guess, youngest sister?)

oh boy,
i don't know if i love the planning or the vacation more!
i can't wait!!
my kids are on board, too.
every place gets their stamp of approval.

through my child's lens

2011-09-12T00:37:00.000-07:00

(Will's lens)

friday book review: late for school

2011-09-09T11:49:00.000-07:00

late for school
by mike reiss
suggested reading level: ages 4-8

smitty, who lives in the city, has never been late for school. But on one particular day, after waking up late, he misses his carpool. as the morning progresses, his problems grow bigger. strange weather phenomena, prehistoric glitches, aliens, and snowmen are some of the obstacles he faces on his mission to school. as smitty faces one outrageous problem after another, he becomes more determined than ever to make it to school on time. what happens when he finally arrives at school delivers an unexpected twist.
children & parents alike will be drawn in by the grossly exaggerated illustrations and funny situations,
and the rhyming sequence. whether timely or tardy, many school age children can recognize some of the scenarios. however, the surprise ending throws everyone for a twist.

this is the first book sam checked out from the school library.
library time has been a hit for him,
and this book came out instantly when i picked him up from school that day.
this choice of book is rather fitting for sam.
he hates to be late for school!
i'm grateful for that trait,
and thankfully we have not been late for school.
yet.
even after today's morning adventures.
we normally walk to school,
but this morning i let the boys sleep in because i knew they needed it.
i knew we would be driving.
we went to the van in plenty of time to get to school,
but the van battery was dead.
quick thinking,
and i realized pete rode his bike instead of driving.
i ordered everyone to the black car while i got the keys.
well, there were no keys.
perhaps pete took them to school???
we were doomed to be late.
there was no way we could walk to school and make it on time at this point.
sam was facing his worst school fate.
he was going to be late for school.
thankfully as we started on our journey our friend jamie came down the street in her car.
she stopped,
we asked for a ride,
which she gladly gave,
and sam still made to school on time.
i felt like this book,
one catastrophic event after another.
whew!

*interesting side note... the author of this book was also a writer for The Simpsons

by small and simple things

2011-09-07T21:11:00.000-07:00

i've gone to a few physical therapy appointments for my foot,
and i've come away mildly discouraged every time,
except for today.
i couldn't see the big picture.
i was certain the silly little exercises with an over-sized rubber band would never be enough to strengthen a leg and foot that have never been strong.
i was thinking much bigger,
something more along the lines of steroid injections or electrical impulse therapy.
so, one could imagine my frustration at coming home with the same small exercises that i spent an hour doing in the office each time.
i was such a non-believer that i didn't even want to do the exercises at home;
i was certain it would just be a waste,
not to mention discouraging.
somehow i knew inside that i could do the exercises and give it some effort
or do nothing at all and definitely not see more improvement.
when a decision has that type of logic,
it is really hard for me to not choose to do something.
so, i chose the exercises.
i've done them every morning at 6 am while everyone is still sleeping.
and guess what is happening?!
i am gaining more strength and control than i have ever had.
the physical therapist said there has been at least a 20% strength increase than where i started 2 weeks ago.
i never would have thought,
but i am delighted.
and once again impressed by the slow and steadiness of a simplicity.
and once again grateful for the team of doctors who have used their slow & steady hands & talented hands to enrich my physicalness.
which in turn has had a direct influence on my spiritualness, too.
this certainly has not been the first "by small and simple things" lesson i have had,
but i'm sure hoping this one penetrates me,
that my expectations will slow and my hope will increase.
hoping i remember that not everything has to be big all the time.
little by little, right?
just like this little foot of mine.

indeed

2011-09-06T19:22:00.001-07:00

this is what i have been thinking about.

friday book review: weird parents

2011-09-02T06:09:00.000-07:00

weird parents
by audrey wood
suggested reading level: ages 5-10

this young boy thinks he has the weirdest parents on earth! why else do they laugh out loud in movies when no one else does? or show your friends how to do the "funky chicken" dance? or blow huge kisses to you when you are leaving on the school bus? their flamboyant and eccentric style is always embarrassing him. however, he knows his parents definitely love each other, and he does enjoy their doting on, so he is eventually able to forgive his parents of their annoying idiosyncrasies. the exaggerated & humorous pictures are full of quirky details that portray how "weird" parents can really be.

i think this book is hilarious!
my children don't think i'm weird just yet,
but i am anticipating the day when they think i am.
and when they do we will be reading this book.
that will probably make me weird,
right?

through my child's lens

2011-08-29T06:24:00.000-07:00

(an unedited series of pictures taken by my children. these are images worth capturing in their eyes.)

(will's lens)

if you can figure out what this is,

then i'll give you a dollar.

if i figure out what it is,

will you give me a dollar?

through my child's lens

2011-08-23T00:36:00.000-07:00

(an unedited series of pictures taken by my children. these are images worth capturing in their eyes.)

(will's lens)

the apron strings a little shorter

2011-08-22T22:35:00.000-07:00

it happened.

i sent my 1st child to kindergarten today.
he was delighted.
up at 6:45,
but unable to get out of my bed.
fully dressed, teeth brushed, hair combed, & bed all made all by himself by 8:00.
he ran all the way to school.
he was excited.
i have hope in my heart that he will always be this excited for school!
(don't worry, i can be realistic.)
his favorite parts of the day were...
recess,
(he played with harrison and learned how to climb through monkey bars to get to the top from a 2nd grader.)
having his aunt aubrey cross him across the street,
and chinese.
he is fascinated with his chinese teacher.
there was no fear or anxiety in this child;
that made it easier for me.
i am excited for him and for these new adventures.
however, all morning i couldn't stop feeling like something was missing,
a part of something that i have always known as a mother.
this feeling grew into a tender ache that hasn't quite gone away.
i ache that i only got 5 years with him all to myself before i had to turn him over to the world.
it just doesn't seem right in this tender mother's heart.
i'm still trying to process this system that has snatched up my firstborn.
thankfully there are adventures to be had and time to be spent with 2 other delightful children.
and i will always savor comments like this even more than ever:

i asked sam if he missed his brother and sister.
he said "not really. the only person i missed is you."

and that is a mutual feeling.

friday book review: the night before kindergarten and preschool

2011-08-19T00:44:00.000-07:00

the night before kindergarten
the night before preschool
by natasha wing
suggested reading level: ages 3-6

each of these books are set the night before kindergarten and preschool. each book discusses the typical emotions a child and a parent might be feeling the night before school starts. the cute rhyming text and simple illustrations capture the fears and excitements that are experienced with such a big new beginning. the character in each book has a positive experience and can't wait to go back to school the next day.

my mom got my boys these books,
and they are by far the cutest books about the 1st day of school that i have read!
my boys LOVE them!
they want to read them all the time,
and it has gotten them very excited about starting preschool and kindergarten.
i even think it identified their fears and excitements that they were unable to express with their own words,
but this book captured it beautifully for them.
in the kindergarten book there was a part with the moms & dads crying about leaving their kids at school for the 1st time.
after reading that page,
sam looked at me with worry in his eyes and made me promise i would NOT cry at his school.
i promise i won't cry on the outside.
it gave me the opportunity to explain to him that moms & dads cry because they will miss being with their kids all the time and they cry because they are so proud of them.
it provided the perfect chance for me to express to him how much i will miss him because we have always been together and to tell him how happy i also am for him to start kindergarten because of all he will learn and how much fun he will have.
will has been excitedly indifferent to preschool.
in the preschool book the children have to take naps.
will was confused because he does NOT want to take a nap at preschool.
i explained that is not how his preschool will be,
and we talked about all the fun things he will do there.
sam, with his arm around will, told him that some kids cry at preschool but that's ok because miss angie will help them.
i think they are both pretty prepared,
and i am very hopeful they will have a fantastic time.
i am excited for their new adventures,
even if i feel a tear inside from time to time.

if you are looking for these books,
don't be surprised if everywhere you look is sold out.
i couldn't find them on amazon or barnes and noble.
my mom got these at smiths market place,
and they are only $3.99.
i don't know if they have anymore.
the kindergarten book also has a companion sticker book story that is fun.
there is also a night before 1st grade book if you don't have a preschooler or kindergartener.

almost 2 years, but still....

2011-08-18T00:33:00.000-07:00

i know it has been almost 2 years since pete's near death cardiac arrest,
but i still think and speak of it often.
i especially think of it at times when he is wrestling our boys on the grass in our front yard,
pinning sam without a chance,
and using will as his sidekick,
and finding a way to throw maggie into the mess.
i find myself shedding tears of gratitude that we got another chance,
and we have not forgotten how lucky we are.
perhaps with the passing of more time,
we have grown more grateful as we have seen all the experiences we would have missed if he would have left us.
we won't waste this time.

processing play

2011-08-17T07:33:00.000-07:00

i wasn't much of a player as a child.
play for me was organizing games, organizing things, and bossing people.
i did love playing school,
but only if i got to be the teacher.
this is not how my sisters played.
they played barbies for endless hours at a time with a big major plot that resumed every time they pulled out the barbies.
typically it was a plot that involved tragedy and rescue.
i could recognize even then that i played different,
and i worried if my type of playing was ok.
surprisingly, all these years later,
i still worry about play.
i know how very important play is for children,
so i often worry if my children's play is right, or ok, or what they need.
because of the exposure to the players in my life,
(my sisters & their kids)
i always think play is supposed to happen like this:
buy a toy,
like a train track, legos, hot wheels tracks, etc.,
the children will spend endless hours setting it up how it is intended,
turn it into their imaginary world,
and sit alone for large amounts of time playing.
they have great children players;
that is really how their kids play.
that is NOT how my children play.
they CAN play that way when they are with other kids,
but that is not their choice of play when left to their own vices.
my boys,
and even maggie,
prefer play that doesn't even involve toys,
or involves more physical action,
more destruction,
like taking things apart or trying to figure out something works.
or using lots of tape or bungee cords.
or something that involves pulling tree branches out of trees.
or wrestling relentlessly with one another.
or making intricate pillow forts at the bottom of the stairs to jump into.
or making zoomer motorcycles.
and a lot of things that need the assistance of their mother.
and on and on.

i recently walked into the front room to a very typical site.
they had set up their hot wheels tracks,
but not in the "normal" way.
the blast off gate was connected to a long series of tracks that started at the back top of the couch,
went down and across the floor,
and through the spindles of the banister.
at the end of the track they cleverly placed a glass of water.
the goal was to get the red lightening, green machine, or purple phantom car into the water cup as they dropped from the end of the track.
i ended that fun by explaining we could not have water on carpet stairs.
it didn't stop them.
instead they diverted the end of the track out the front door,
off the porch steps,
and then into the cup of water.
this game actually lasted for quite some time.
i didn't even know what to do with myself because play at our house NEVER lasts this long,
so i just watched their process.
and then i watched their play shift to another activity.
they emptied their big toy buckets,
put them in the bathtub,
and filled them up for "hot tubs".
they sat in their for quite some time.

so the point of all this?
i used to wonder much more than i do now if their play was ok.
i worried if i had forced my style of play on them
and worried if they were developing play conflict like i did.
and i have really worried if i just have not bought the right toys.
i'm learning now that play doesn't always look the same,
but it's still play.
at the suggestion of a family member i have attempted a more structured type of play.
the kind where i sit on the floor with them and try to direct them on how to play with toys the right way.
it never works.
they grow very bored.
so as we are cleaning up the atypical messes,
putting back together the broken experiment of the day,
or trying to find lost hot wheels cars in the bushes,
i will just remember the powerful wonder of play,
and be glad my children are experiencing it at such intense levels.

unexpected improvements

2011-08-16T00:43:00.000-07:00

my foot is healing quite nicely.

every day it functions more & more like a new foot.

like how it didn't sink and fold when i stepped in the sand at the beach.

it stayed flat for the 1st time ever.

and how on our hike over small boulders around bloomington lake i couldn't remember which foot i was supposed to lead with.

i've always led with my strongest foot.

the oddest and most welcomed improvement is how it has grown a shoe size in 2 weeks.

it has flattened out so with the new tendon pulling it down and with the fused toe.

i can't even wear the small shoe i bought the day my cast came off unless i want a serious indention on my toe and if i want it to feel like it is bleeding.

it is not quite the same size as my other foot,

but i'm hoping time will continue to improve this.

therapy will beginning soon,

so there will probably be unexpected improvements even from here.

through my child's lens

2011-08-15T00:15:00.000-07:00

(an unedited series of pictures taken by my children. these are images worth capturing in their eyes.)

the still in the spinning

2011-08-14T21:12:00.000-07:00

i wish i could bottle up the stillness of vacation,
at least the stillness i feel inside,
like nothing else matters except fun & togetherness.
the excess distractions of our lives become nonexistent.
now that we are home,
and our lives start spinning again,
perhaps we will still be free to throw on our hats, spend the days outside in the dirt & water being still enough to enjoy the best wonder we have...
each other,
just as we spent the week doing at bear lake.

friday book review: but not a book this time

2011-08-12T00:55:00.000-07:00

family tree cd

by Frances England

England's cd is a blend of folk, indie, and old time sounds to explore themes of family life, animals, friendship, and empowerment. this is a children's cd, but it is truly music the whole family can enjoy.

to preview the music please click here.

for quite some time i have been putting my boys to bed with calming music playing.

it started out as primary church songs,

and then went to lullabies,

and then to the audio books like "where the sidewalk ends",

and now we have been on a musical kick.

(their favorites are oliver & wicked for kids).

we check out such a variety of music cds at the library,

load them to iTunes,

and burn cds of our favorites for our collection.

we hit the jackpot with the Family Tree cd that will picked out at the library.

i knew i would be hooked simply by looking at the cover,

and once i heard it,

i was hooked.

my boys are hooked.

they love listening to it day and night.

their favorite is "i scream, you scream".

i feel like a seed is planted every time i expose them to something like a variety of music,

and the way we feel listening to this cd is a feeling i would happily authorize exposure to.

so, check the library for this cd,

but i will keep our copy until the due date just because i love the album cover so much.

for my grandma

2011-08-10T00:55:00.000-07:00

my grandma almost always made my dresses when i was growing up,

and i loved them
and was proud of them.
now from time to time she will make and send a dress maggie's way.
the latest dress arrived in a fabric that she used for a dress for me in the 6th grade.
too bad i don't still have the dress;
perhaps it would be fun to match.
maggie loves her new dress,
and i love having a grandma who is so special.

will it last forever

2011-08-09T00:27:00.000-07:00

would we be so lucky to always have our boys offer to rub our feet with lotion,
rub our backs with lotion,
and then finish the rub with a rolling pin
all while reading bedtime books in their floor?
i'm realistic.
i know what to expect.
but i will hold onto these little hands on my back and feet
and record their enthusiasm in my memory
as long as i possibly can.
and then i will draw upon the fondness in the harder days.

through my child's lens

2011-08-08T00:17:00.000-07:00

just another update

2011-08-05T21:30:00.000-07:00

my foot feels new,
but it hurts.
pretty bad actually.
there are moments when it hurts more than the surgery itself did.
my ankle is constantly swollen.
my whole foot actually.
so swollen that my shoe leaves an impression.
(plus, i have to leave those shoes on all day for support.
i can tell my achilles is tighter than ever,
and that is a good feeling if i could get over the soreness.
and wow on my calf muscle!
it has never really been used for 32 years,
so you can imagine how sore it is from this workout.
this recovery is much more demanding than the surgery part &
so much easier to over-do it.
i'm nervous pete only has 1 more week at home!
he has done a terrific job and been a great help.
if i don't get the speed on for this recovery,
then i'm not sure how i will manage without him.
so much for assuming that life would be easier when my cast came off.
kind of like that feeling that life will be so much easier when you're not pregnant anymore.
it's better, but not necessarily easier.
i should have known better.
time will make the difference here,
so i am still very hopeful,
even if you find me complaining about the pain from time to time.

a new beginning

2011-08-04T07:18:00.000-07:00

my cast came off today.
i'm still a bit lost for words.
i feel as if i've been catapulted into a new life,
at least a new body.
the leg was incredibly hairy & dry & weak when the cast came off,
but that's not the change.
it moves different.
it is tight.
it doesn't flop.
it doesn't fold up.
my big toe is straight,
and i pushed myself up on my toes for the first time ever in my life.
it has healed perfectly,
but the doctor explained that the real healing is just beginning and will go on for months.
i need more muscle before it all begins to work to full capacity.
i don't do well waiting,
so i pushed it too hard tonight to prove to myself that the healing would come quickly.
the boys wanted me to celebrate by riding my bike with them around the block,
so i did.
i went shoe shopping.
i went to target for groceries,
and my foot became so swollen & painful i didn't know how i was going to get out of the store.
thankfully i'm home now,
painted my toenails,
and kept it up.
the real healing is just beginning.
i will still be using a crutch for support.
i will be wearing running shoes
(still 2 different sizes)
but with no custom orthotic.
and i still won't be chasing my kids like i thought
or scrubbing my house from top to bottom like i hoped.
i still have healing to do,
and i'm grateful it is free to heal with the doctor's reassurance that there's no way i can undone or injure the work at this point even though it may feel like i can.

what a relief!

through my child's lens

2011-08-01T14:14:00.000-07:00

sno-cone! sno-cone!

2011-07-30T10:38:00.000-07:00

don't forget to stop by and get your sno-cone today.
11:30-1:30.
sam & will are set up.
they've had 1 customer
and are hoping for many more.

friday book review: picture books everyone should know, part 2

2011-07-29T14:06:00.001-07:00

for those of you trying to squeeze last minute summer reading,
i thought i would post the rest of the picture book list.
it will be long,
but it will be finished.

COME ALONG, DAISY, Jane Simmons
CORDUROY, Don Freeman
CURIOUS GEORGE, H.A. Rey
DINOSAUR ROAR!, Paul & Henrietta Stickland
DON'T LET THE PIGEON DRIVE THE BUS!, Mo Willems
DUCK ON A BIKE, David Shannon
FIRE TRUCK, Peter Sis
FREIGHT TRAIN, Donald Crews
FROGGY GETS DRESSED, Jonathan London
THE GARDENER, Sarah Stewart
GEORGE AND MARTHA, James Marshall
GO AWAY, BIG GREEN MONSTER!, Ed Emberley
GOIN' SOMEPLACE SPECIAL, Patricia McKissack
GOOD NIGHT, GORILLA, Peggy Rathmann
GOODNIGHT MOON, Margaret W. Brown
GOSSIE, Dunrea Olivier
GRANDFATHER'S JOURNEY, Allen Say
HAROLD AND THE PURPLE CRAYON, Crockett Johnson
HARRY THE DIRTY DOG, Gene Zion
HENRY HIKES TO FITCHBURG, D.B. Johnson
HORTON HATCHES THE EGG, Dr. Seuss
HOW DO DINOSAURS SAY GOODNIGHT?, Jane Yolen
I KISSED THE BABY!, Mary Murphy
IF YOU GIVE A MOUSE A COOKIE, Laura J. Numeroff
IT COULD ALWAYS BE WORSE: A YIDDISH FOLKTALE, Margot Zemach
JOHN HENRY, Julius Lester
JULIUS, Angela Johnson
KITTEN'S FIRST FULL MOON, Kevin Henkes
LILY'S PURPLE PLASTIC PURSE, Kevin Henkes
THE LINE-UP BOOK, Russo Marisabina
THE LITTLE RED HEN: AN OLD STORY, Margot Zemach
LON PO PO: A RED RIDING HOOD STORY FROM CHINA, Ed Young
LYLE, LYLE, CROCODILE, Bernard Wager
MABELA THE CLEVER, Margaret Read MacDonald
MACHINES AT WORK, Byron Barton
MADELINE, Ludwig Bemelmans
MAISY GOES SWIMMING, Lucy Cousins
MAKE WAY FOR DUCKLINGS, Robert McCloskey
MAMA CAT HAS THREE KITTENS, Denise Fleming
THE MAN WHO WALKED BETWEEN THE TOWERS, Mordicai Gerstein
MARTHA SPEAKS, Susan Meddaugh
MIKE MULLIGAN AND HIS STEAM SHOVEL, Virginia L. Burton
MILLIONS OF CATS, Wanda Gag
MISS NELSON IS MISSING!, Harry Allard & James Marshall
MR. GUMPY'S OUTING, John Birminghan
MURARO'S BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS: AN AFRICAN TALE, John Steptoe
MUNCHA! MUNCHA! MUNCHA!, Candace Fleming
MY FRIEND RABBIT, Eric Rohmann
THE NAPPING HOUSE, Audrey Wood
NO DAVID!, David Shannon
OFF TO SCHOOL, BABY DUCK!, Amy Hest
OLD BLACK FLY, Jim Aylesworth
OLIVIA, Ian Falconer
OWEN, Kevin Henkes
PAPA, PLEASE GET THE MOON FOR ME, Eric Carle
PIERRE: A CAUTIONARY TALE, Maurice Sendak
THE POLAR EXPRESS, Chris Van Allsburg
PUSS IN BOOTS, Charles Perrult
ROUND TRIP, Ann Jonas
RUMPELSTILTSKIN, Paul O. Zelinsky
THE SNOWY DAY, Ezra Jack Keats
SPOTS, FEATHERS AND CURLY TAILS, Nancy Tafuri
THE STORY OF FERDINAND, Munro Leaf
THE STRAY DOG, Marc Simont
STREGA NONA, Tomie De Paolo
SWIMMY, Leo Lionni
SYLVESTER AND THE MAGIC PEBBLE, William Steig
THE TALE OF PETER RABBIT, Beatrix Potter
THE BEACH, Faith Ringgold
TEN, NINE, EIGHT, Molly Bang
THERE WAS AN OLD LADY WHO SWALLOWED A FLY, Simms
THE THREE BEARS, Paul Daldone
TRASHY TOWN, Andrea Griffing Zimmerman
THE TRUE STORY OF THE THREE LITTLE PIGS BY A WOLF, John Scieszka
TUESDAY David Wiesner
UPTOWN, Bryan Collier
THE VERY HUNGRY CATERPILLAR, Eric Carle
THE WHEELS ON THE BUS
WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE, Maurice Sendak
WHERE'S SPOT?, Eric Hill
WHISTLE FOR WILLIE, Ezra Jack Keats
THE WOLF'S CHICKEN STEW, Keiko Kasza
YOKO, Rosemary Wells
ZOMO THE RABBIT: A TRICKSTER TALE FROM WEST AFRICA, Gerald McDermott

postponed

2011-07-29T07:17:00.001-07:00

due to an invite to the zoo today,
sam is postponing his shaved ice stand.
it WILL NOT be today.
instead, it will be tomorrow from 11:30-1:30.
please stop by.
a drum set is waiting!

shaved ice stand

2011-07-27T08:30:00.000-07:00

i have an aspiring entrepreneur living in my house.
remember the apple sale and lemonade stand in the rain?
well, this friday from 2-4 the entrepreneur will be setting up shop in front of our house.
this time it will be shaved ice.
for $0.50.
if you are interested in supporting a young boy's dream,
then stop by.
oh, and of course he has a plan for his money.
he is saving for a drum set.
if you don't know our address but would like to stop by,
then email me and i will send it to you.

jenvanderlinden@gmail.com

through my child's lens

2011-07-25T04:29:00.000-07:00

shot through will's lens

this might explain a lot

2011-07-21T06:02:00.000-07:00

i don't believe in buying a lot of toys for my kids.

A. because i don't love having lots of stuff that doesn't have a place or that doesn't get used.
B. almost everything my boys have gets broken quickly because it is more fun for them to take something apart to figure it out than it is to play with it.
C. when i buy something that comes with every bell and whistle, then my kids lose the opportunity to make their own inventions, just like they did last night.

will scored this awesome motorcycle at a yard sale for $1.
he had vision for it,
so we weren't about to pass it up.
and vision indeed!
sam and will spent the whole evening making it their invention,
complete with turbo blaster wings, nerf dart blasters, and misc. darts for protection.
right or wrong, these are the types of toy experiences i hope for my children,
the kind where they make it their own,
with nothing more than the help of their imagination & a roll of tape & mother willing to tape their dreams into place.

i almost forgot

2011-07-20T07:41:00.000-07:00

the only pic i have taken of the blanket. see it in the background?

i can't believe i haven't mentioned this earlier,
and now it's almost too late.
i entered maggie's quilt i made in the Bountiful Handcart Days art exhibit.
if you would like to see it,
and vote for it in the people's choice awards,
you can still do that from now until July 24 at the Bountiful/Davis Art Center.
it is a far cry from being the best item there.
that's not why i entered it though.
a friend of mine encouraged me to do it (thanks, Angie!),
and i thought it might just be fun.
not to mention my boys think i'm pretty awesome when they go somewhere in public and see a piece of their mother there.
so, if you also think it would be awesome to go into public and see a little piece of me there,
then go and check it out.

two weeks

2011-07-19T06:42:00.000-07:00

two weeks to go with the neon pink cast.
i must admit that i won't be too disappointed to see it go.
thankfully it has gone much smoother than i had anticipated.
the pain hasn't been as bad as i thought;
in fact, the pain is gone now.
however, i've finally hit a wall of being tired of a cast,
not being able to walk across the room,
carry a load of laundry downstairs,
walk while holding my kids,
go back to doing hair,
take a shower without a plastic bag on my leg,
or just to be able to scratch what itches.
however, the electric carts in the store haven't been bad at all,
even with the boys riding on each of my legs.
don't worry, i haven't lost the perspective
or the overwhelming gratitude that i could even have this done
and that all of my corrective work has been done by top of the line doctors.
i was recently at home depot.
the cashier helping me was asking about my foot.
he was a man about my age who mentioned he also has had corrective foot surgeries,
the most recent being 2 years ago.
he was born with 2 club feet.
he had corrective work as a child at a hospital that came no where near specializing in the level of orthopedic care he needed.
it didn't help then,
and he needed more surgery recently.
he just went to a random doctor who obviously didn't have the necessary skills either.
his defect was made worse after this surgery, too.
he was optimistic though.
he was grateful that he could still walk,
and he was smiling the whole time talking about it,
never complaining.
i pretty much wanted to cry
and definitely not tell him that my dr. was top of the line and he gave a 100% guarantee that my condition would be better.
i stopped gloating around about it.
instead my gratitude turned more private,
knowing that there are many out there who haven't been as fortunate.
so, while i am looking forward to no cast,
i can definitely wait,
and you won't hear a single complaint out of me about this,
not ever.

through my child's lens

2011-07-18T10:33:00.000-07:00

every time i load pictures onto the computer there are always random pictures that i didn't take.
the boys are turning into quite the photographers.
some times their pictures capture what i want but try too hard to get.
other times they are pictures of the garbage can with their finger half over the lens.
regardless of what the pic is, i just love seeing what they are seeing,
what is important enough to them to capture.
so, welcome to a new series...
through my child's lens.
unedited.

friday book review: picture books everyone should know

2011-07-15T22:32:00.001-07:00

i'm always searching for the list of children's books that my children shouldn't miss.
alas! i have found the list!
in sam's kindergarden packet there was a list of 100 picture books everyone should know.
this list was selected by the new york public library.
many of the books we are already familiar with,
but there are many i look forward to reading.
our summer reading goal this year has been to read every book on this list.
i will review the books that we LOVE,
and in the meantime i will share parts of the list if you are interested in some children must reads.
enjoy!

1. ABUELA, Arthur Dorros
2. ALEXANDER AND THE TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD DAY, Judith Viorst
3. ANANSI AND THE MOSS COVERED ROCK, Eric A. Kimmell
4. ANDY AND THE LION, James Daugherty
5. BARK, GEORGE, Jules Feiffer
6. THE BOSSY GALLITO: A TRADITIONAL CUBAN FOLK TALE,
7. BREAD AND JAM FOR FRANCES, Russell Hoban
8. BROWN BEAR, BROWN BEAR, WHAT DO YOU SEE, Bill MARTIN
9. BRUNA MUNARI'S ABC, Bruno Muranri
10. BUZ, Richard Egielski
11. CAPS FOR SALE: A TALE OF A PEDDLER, SOME MONKEYS AND THEIR MONKEY BUSINESS, Esphyr Slobodkina
12. THE CARROT SEED, Ruth Krauss
13. A CHAIR FOR MY MOTHER, Vera B. Williams
14. CHICKA CHICKA BOOM BOOM, Lois Ehlert
15. CLICK, CLACK, MOO: COWS THAT TYPE, Doreen Cronin

swollen

2011-07-11T21:08:00.000-07:00

will's birthday came and went.
the party was a big, overstimulating success.
as i spent the day watching him play,
jumping,
and running with friends,
looking with his big brown eyes,
with his hair that is always so straight it never looks combed,
and seeing his happy countenance alone talking to himself in his own constructed world,
i felt my heart swelling to a new level,
and i'm just pretty sure my heart will always be swollen.
he will always be my son.
(even if his free spirit takes him far from home the first chance he gets; right now that's our prediction)
i will always be his mother,
and that is one of my greatest privileges.
he makes my days light
and puts a happiness in my heart that was never there before.

will has never been a child concerned with things or gifts.
however, he was overly delighted with his new booster seat,
and he was certainly shocked when a real rainbow cast itself over our sky at the end of his day
(just for his birthday gift we told him).
but the greatest gift that boy has is not one that we or anyone else gave him,
it was a gift he came to this earth with.
it is the gift of happiness,
always happy,
always optimistic,
and this is the gift we hope he still has every birthday long past the 4th.

happy birthday, scooter.

not how i thought it would be

2011-07-10T18:56:00.000-07:00

tomorrow is will's birthday.
i have been frantically thinking & planning for the last month about his party,
reserving bounce houses, making bday banners, and felt dr. seuss hats, cake planning, etc.
somewhere along the line i got it in my head that you were supposed to throw big parties for your children on their birthday.
well, i'm not doing it anymore.
as i'm frantically running around all day,
hopping on one leg,
trying to get the last few printables,
the cake,
and a cleaner house,
i have been smacked with the reminder that i have forgotten it all.
i have forgotten my middle boy,
who will just be 3 for one more day.
i have forgotten his daddy who started this new journey with me of another life almost 4 years ago.
i haven't thought much about will's arrival into this earth,
how it was 6 weeks early,
and how difficult it was to not be able to hold him after his birth,
and how tender it was when days later i held him and for the first time his stats were where they needed to be while he was in my arms,
and how every time on my way to or from the hospital i would hear the song "i'll stand by you" on the radio and how i would cry with conviction and hope that i would stand by him always,
no matter what.
well, tonight i don't feel by him.
he is not even here.
to be honest, i feel so lost in dr. seuss party preparations i don't even know how he wants his special day to go.
so, for those of you who might be attending the party tomorrow and there are no table cloths on the tables or perfect decorations, and my house isn't clean,
please just know i stopped those preparations tonight so i could be with my little boy who is growing up way too fast.
and then,
when next year rolls around,
we will be intimately celebrating his life,
with celebrations that have to do with nothing but him.
a day doing exactly the things he chooses.

friday book review: alexander, who used to be rich last sunday

2011-07-08T10:30:00.000-07:00

alexander, who used to be rich last sunday

by judith viorst

happy

2011-07-07T23:21:00.000-07:00

there are many reasons to be happy around here...

my splint came off yesterday and was replaced with a hot pink cast.
i saw my "new" foot and it felt much different in a good way. it was more stable, and i could no longer bend my foot up to my shin.
the stitches are out & healing well.
i have the top of the line, genius doctor working on my foot, and i am incredibly grateful for my access to him no matter how long i have to wait in his office.
the doctor reassured me that there is 100% chance that my foot will be an improvement
my life has slowed down to a point where i feel like i am a part of my life and not just watching it rush by. i have enjoyed reading, watching a little tv, keeping up with news, doing a few sewing projects, and connecting & playing with my children more.
we have been enjoying delicious food (thanks,stacy, and many others.)
i got to finally spend a chunk of time with one of my sisters just chatting and having fun. i feel positive & recharged after being with her, especially after our fun activities today.
i have a husband who has taken over the management of our family seamlessly. on any given night he can be found cleaning house. can't wait until i can help you again! :)
i have been contacted by many friends & clients who have been concerned about me. i am fortunate to be apart of their lives.
oh, and i still have 4 more weeks to finish up some desired projects. :)

happy indeed.

replay

2011-06-30T19:48:00.000-07:00

if you haven't read pete's post about maggie peeing in the floor,
then i recommend you read it here so you will know why this is considered a replay.
pete put maggie down for a nap this afternoon while i was laying in bed.
he took he boys to the library for the african drum & dance presentation.
they weren't gone 2 minutes before maggie started singing to herself.
she does this often,
and i think she enjoys it,
never crying,
just cooing, talking, and throwing everything out of her crib,
content.
after about 30 minutes of this i decided i should go get her.
i wasn't prepared for what i was about to see!
she was totally naked, no diaper.
she was straddling the crib slats with her feet hanging out.
when i opened her door, i burst out laughing,
and so did she.
the smart baby that she is,
i asked her if she took off her diaper.
she shook her head yes.
i asked where it was, and she pointed to the end of her crib.
(it was actually there.)
the point of the story...
i got her out of her crib;
that's funny to watch, hopping on one leg,
and she ran off.
i slowly scooted after her on my scooter.
i found her peeing in the kitchen floor.
she was laughing trying to get away and slipped in it.
i knew she would need a bath.
once i corralled her there and got her clean,
i let her loose again while i tried to diaper her.
she's faster than i am now that my transportation mode is crutches or a scooter.
i caught her in the front room,
peeing in the floor.

so, the moral of the story?
we all blunder when our kids want to pee in the floor.

oh, and a total pee side note...
sam and will decided to pee in tupperware bowls tonight in the bath and put a lid on it to save it.
that went right in the garbage.
such a fascination with pee over here it's no wonder maggie pees so freely!

letting go

2011-06-25T17:21:00.000-07:00

(my first project post surgery)
relaxing does not come easily for me;

i wish it did.

i'm a doer and would prefer to be doing something all the time.

moving all the time at least.

while i am all for embracing how you are,

i can very much see the value in expanding your capacities.

so, that is my mission for the next 6 weeks.

i will calm down,

give focus to the slower aspects of my life that still need attention that often get neglected because it feels like i'm not doing anything when i'm not moving on my feet.

some things on my relaxing list include...

*learn to not hate tv and how to use it as a tool

*filling photo albums

*scanning old photos & making electronic backups of all my digital files

*update baby books

*learn how to use all the features of our new camera

*reading for pleasure

*hand embroidery projects

*sitting outside in the early mornings or late evenings

*sitting with my children, watching them, and letting them lead me through the activities they want

*reading the 3 binders of jr. high & high school writings by me (now that will be a treat; if you are lucky, then i'll share a few little gems here from time to time. :) )

i'm tempted to make this list longer & longer.

i will fight that urge, so i can give focus & savor to the activities listed.

and hopefully by the end of 6 weeks, i will not only have a new foot but hopefully a calmer self, too.

this is a happy place to be.

i know how lucky i am to have a husband who takes care of me and can hold down the fort,

so i'd be crazy to not be happy in this place and in this time.

the good and the not so good

2011-06-24T17:14:00.000-07:00

the good part of the day...

feeling much better than i did yesterday.

feeling so much better in fact, i sat outside and finger painted with the children in the driveway.

boy, was that fun!

sam was very into painting scenes of summer... swimming pools, motorcycles, & popsicles.

will did a few handprints and was then more interested in riding his bike.

and maggie, oh maggie! she loved every bit of it.

especially the parts where she rubbed the paint all over her body and used the mixing spoon to eat the paint.

the not so good part of the day...

over-doing it by finger painting with the children and then feeling pretty wiped out the rest of the day.

bloody toe

2011-06-23T18:50:00.000-07:00

i have been laid up most of the day with just enough concentration to stare at my big toe propped up in the air.

i havent been able to figure out why having a pin screwed into your bloody toe hurts so bad,

but it sure does.

needing some advice...

2011-06-22T20:21:00.000-07:00

can someone please inform me why so many people are addicted to lortab?

i feel like a doped up fool and can't wait to shake this feeling.

i must admit that i would almost rather feel the pain.

on another note... i am in desperate need of movie suggestions.

i will watch anything but prefer something that makes you feel a little smarter after watching or like you have been somewhat inspired.

i need something to help pass time while my brain is still so cloudy.

i'm not quite to the focus on a book stage.

please pass along any suggestions.

im having a hard time waking up

2011-06-22T11:10:00.000-07:00

i am rather impressed with this surgery so far.

in and out of the hospital in 6 hours,

and i hadn't felt a thing until about 2 hours ago when the nerve block started wearing off.

wait, i take that back,

when i woke in recovery it felt as if someone cut off my big toe and scratched up my throat.

they instantly dosed me with some good ol' lortab.

it killed the pain, my stability, and ability to stay awake.

oh, and apparently it relaxed all my facial muscles as well.

(see photo above.)

pete and the nurse teased me that my bottom lip was sticking out for quite some time,

and i was found muttering "i'm having a hard time waking up" about 200 hundred times.

i was also reminding them to be careful with my left leg because i just had surgery on it.

(i'm sure they needed the reminder.)

i slept most of the day yesterday and all night and some time this morning.

so, i guess you could say i'm still having a hard time waking up.

once i'm fully awake, i will be forcing myself to learn the artful skill of just relaxing.

We're Back

2011-06-21T13:42:00.000-07:00

Pete's Post:

The Last pic of Jen's "old" foot. Excited and ready for battle.

An Enthusiastic Jen Waiting for the knife or do you think the surgeon used a sword???

First Glance at the new foot...well a splinted new foot. :)

Post Surgery doin' great! I have a more sedated photo that I not going to post because I am not prepared to spend 6 weeks on the couch. :)

The splint.

She needs to get used to this puppy. It's going to be with her for 6 weeks. During this time no weight and no water. It's going to be interesting:) I got her a shower stool to help out and to be honest it sounds kind of fun.

Since we have been home she has just rested in bed. Her first food that she just had to have since being home...Arby's beef and cheddar with curly fries and a bowl of Tillamook icecream. It's been kind of fun playing nurse. I am getting a little glimpse of what she did for me. :)

never again...

2011-06-20T21:29:00.000-07:00

never again will i be able to bend my left so far up that it almost touches my shin.

never again will it feel like there is a bone coming out of my heel when i walk barefoot.

never again will my limp look quite like it does now.

and thank goodness i will never have to wear those gray simple shoes or miz mooz again!

while these losses will more than likely feel like upgrades after tomorrow's surgery,

it still feels like i'm losing something unique about the body that i have always known.

tonight i got out all my old braces that i wore when i was a very young baby and child.

i was using them to explain to my boys how my body has always been and about tomorrow's surgery will be changing my foot.

they were rather impressed.

so impressed they were determined to fit the molded braces onto their too big & misshapen feet.

they were even impressed with the one-piece muppet baby jumper that my grandma made me for my 1st surgery.

(that was sure a clever suit! the crotch snapped so i never had to pull down my pants over my full length cast to go to the bathroom.)

they were so impressed that they had to try it on,

and twirl around in it.

i was 6 at the time i wore it;

i must have been the same size as will is at 3;

it fit him perfectly.

i think i must have been sam's size when i was about 9. :)

perhaps in 26 more years i will look back on this night, sharing my story with the boys,

and just may not be able to remember exactly how it felt to walk this way or feel this way.

but just like i could remember the little girl of so many years ago like she never changed,

perhaps this phase won't be entirely forgotten either.

just improved.

where have i been & where will i be?

2011-06-09T17:07:00.001-07:00

my surgery is in 12 days.

i feel confident that it will be a positive thing.

i'm only nervous that i haven't prepared my home and family enough.

so, instead of blogging or sewing or reading or anything else i love,

i will be making freezer meals, organizing my house, & playing with my family for the next 12 days

just so i will be able to sit out for 6 weeks to heal.

and scan all my photos, read a stack of books on my nightstand table, make a basket of felt food for the kids, catch up on blogging, and maybe take a nap, or watch a movie or 2.

what a busy recovery this will be!

(but don't tell anyone... if i really get to do all of those things, it will actually feel like a vacation! i guess there has to be at least one perk of such a big surgery. :) )

the hooker game

2011-06-02T14:19:00.000-07:00

i guess may is a sinker when it comes to blog writing.

it just wasn't happening for me over here;

we were too busy trying to reel in spring,

and too busy dreaming up games like the hooker game.

all morning yesterday i could hear sam & will playing.

they kept referring to each other about the "hooker game".

knowing full well they don't know what a real hooker is,

i was curious to what their interpretation was of a hooker.

i discovered them in maggie's room with about 20 bungee cords hooked all over her room,

creating a very complex web that led from her crib to the closet to the dresser to the rocking chair and to the door knob.

so, that, my friends, is how you play the hooker game.

i would have taken a picture had maggie not thrown our camera in the bath tub.

(it was full of water, and it is ruined.)

friday book review: the alchemist

2011-05-13T20:17:00.000-07:00

the alchmeist

by paulo coelho

a mother's best day

2011-05-08T21:16:00.000-07:00

my mom necklace + 2 new handcrafted heart

necklaces from sam & will

i always appreciate my role as a mother when i can step out of it for a time,

like today.

my best kind of presents are the ones that involve time & reflection,

and that's the kind of mother's day gift i got today.

my family let me sleep until 8:30.

miracle!

i woke up to a beautifully set table, delicious sourdough french toast, fresh fruit, fresh flowers, and homemade cards.

everyone in the family seemed delighted to share this moment with me,

delighted to make the effort.

as i enjoyed the meal, enjoyed watching the clean-up, enjoyed pete doing the sunday ironing, and enjoyed the extra help and effort with the kids,

i felt honored,

well taken care of,

and very comfortable.

as i really thought about the simple acts done on my behalf today,

i realized these are the simple acts i do every day as a mother,

and i was filled with excitement all over again at the prospect that my family must feel every day what i was feeling in these moments...

honored,

well taken care of,

very comfortable,

and grateful.

i was recharged in my motherhood.

my efforts seem more worth it now,

knowing how it feels to be on the receiving end.

these are the best kind of gifts...

the ones that i always remember.

it will be a constant reminder to me that my actions as a mother do matter.

i do get to shape the feeling and tone in our home by the things i do every day

and the attitude in which i do them.

thank you, family, for making my day such a special one.

what a privilege it is to be your mother!

present to past

2011-05-05T20:41:00.000-07:00

so many moments have prompted this post...

a grandma who admitted to me that she is finally entering the old season of life,

a college graduation,

close friends putting offers on a new house,

watching my babies' 1st year videos,

making changes to our house.

it truly just feels like i was in the 8th grade and at home with my grandma french braiding my friends' hair before a basketball game while she was making indian tacos for us,

or in the 11th grade playing pool in her basement with my group of friends as we were devouring her lemon cake,

or strolling around the mall with her picking out clothes at dillards or bras from victoria's secret.

it is also hard to believe that 9 years have passed since i found myself walking the stage at my own college graduation.

friends that have shared this neighborhood with us for the last 10 years just seem like they will always just belong in our life;

it has been the only way we have ever known it here.

i also sit holding my 3 & 5 year old watching and reminiscing about the days when they sucked on their toes, or scooted across the floor instead of crawling, or ate dirt, or smiled with only gums wondering how we have already grown out of those things.

and as i cleared old vines out of a rose bush in our backyard, i laughed as i remembered it being the crowning jewel of our backyard when we moved here.

we have made so many changes.

each one of these moments and every moment in between has seemed so permanent while i was there,

just like it would always be so.

but just as each present moment happened it quickly became the past,

yet it still feels like it should be happening,

right now,

just like it did when i was living it.

i don't like knowing that in 10 months this day will just be a memory,

thankfully a good memory,

but still just a memory.

i am going to try once again to take this lesson to heart.

i want to max out every day,

remembering that i only get to live it once,

and i want the memory to be a pleasant one.

at the end of every day,

i hope to find myself still jotting down the tender, boring, exciting, and normal lessons of each day.

i want to always be able to re-live it.

who would've thought?

2011-05-03T20:32:00.000-07:00

i couldn't find my cell phone today.

by tonight i gave up the search and called it.

i was surprised by where i found it.

in an empty paint can.

hmm.

i've still been wondering why it was in there,

and thinking about how long it would've taken me to find it there.

i'm afraid it never would've crossed my mind to look there.

pretty much ever.

fresh

2011-05-02T21:35:00.000-07:00

tonight i went to bath and body works for some new soap and lotion.

the new scent country chic is rather delightful.

apparently will thinks so, too.

he took the lid off to smell and said,

"mmm, this smells fresh."

there's nothing negative about this kid.

he is always happy

and always looking for the positive in every situation.

he has a lot of love in his heart,

and he brightens our family every day.

or better yet,

he makes it a little more "fresh".

may i???

2011-05-01T19:06:00.000-07:00

may i just take a minute to tell you about the month of may?

it's my favorite month.

the weather is normally just right.

always sunny.

and never too warm.

i used to always get a new swimming suit for my birthday in may.

it was my favorite birthday tradition.

i don't think it would be so easy for my mom to pick out a swimming suit for me now.

that has now become a definitely need to try on item.

however, now my mom and others may wonder what to get me for my birthday instead.

my list seems to get smaller every year.

so, for those of you wondering,

here's my 32nd wish list....

turquoise star

gold star

this book

a gift certificate here or anything from here so i don't have to make a decision,

perhaps another piece to add to my stainless steel cooking set,

and some new make-up would be fabulous.

but mostly i would be most satisfied with just a day where i felt no guilt and i was able to see myself exactly how i am.

that's not really asking too much is it?

or more pieces to finish off my

friday book review: where the sidewalk ends

2011-04-29T16:54:00.000-07:00

where the sidewalk ends

by shel silverstein

another thing...

2011-04-28T16:47:00.000-07:00

another thing that makes maggie cry,

we discovered,

is a ruptured ear drum.

poor baby.